Broke Boyz From Fresno
Hey everyone it's Martin from the Broke Boyz From Fresno Podcast, my goal here is to entertain, inspire, and uplift our community. I'm all about keeping it real, sharing my daily struggles, and motivating others who might be going through the same. Join me as we navigates life’s challenges, supports one another, and builds a stronger, more connected community together.
Broke Boyz From Fresno
Voice Behind the Pain: Jayverdi's Musical Journey
We catch up with longtime friend Jayverdi about his evolution as a bilingual artist and his path through pain to self-discovery and growth.
• Transitioning to Spanish songwriting to connect with cultural roots and family who couldn't understand English lyrics
• Finding a new songwriting approach that focuses on creating music for listeners rather than just personal expression
• Exploring the meaning behind "Mano de Dios" and processing betrayal from someone in his inner circle
• Navigating the challenging balance between forgiveness and setting boundaries with people who've hurt you
• Discussing the dangers of using substances to numb emotional pain rather than processing it
• Breaking generational cycles of trauma and making conscious choices to create different patterns
• The importance of consistency and persistence in creative pursuits despite obstacles
• How sharing vulnerabilities through music creates connection and healing
Go follow Jayverdi, you can find him on all platforms @TheRealJayVerdi and stay tuned for his upcoming Spanish releases.
Follow us @ brokeboyz_ff on Instagram and TikTok
Intro Music by Rockstar Turtle- Broke Boyz (999)
Christmas Intro Song by Nico
maybe like twice, yeah, and I would be just kicking it with like fucking john and and fucking oh yeah saint chow and all them, and crazy, yeah, that was the. That was the only time. I think that I that I had done that you're a bad boy.
Speaker 3:Nah, nah, never that, never that never there I haven't put me on buzz, buzz he put you on, you, on buzz balls. Yeah, I hang out a lot with older Mexican men. Rob Markman. Yeah, and just beer, bro. Big Budweiser Coors the light. Rob Markman.
Speaker 1:And it's not the same. Huh, it doesn't hit the same.
Speaker 3:Nah, I like this one to be honest, bro, rob Markman.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Cool little shots.
Speaker 3:Rob're dangerous though because they're too sweet, Fuck yeah.
Speaker 1:I'm all tangled up in wires. I'm still not used to the whole fucking new setup, but I love it. I love that I got everything all back together.
Speaker 3:I like the lights bro.
Speaker 1:Thank you, man. Thank you, I even got these. I got these especially just for you, dude.
Speaker 2:What is that?
Speaker 3:Oh shit hey shush. Spank bro Damn.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm still planning on like I was telling the cat. I'm indecisive between like getting like a sectional, like a little couch, so that way it's more comfortable than a chair. I don't know, I'd have to reorganize everything, but it could be, bro.
Speaker 3:Bro, it could be for sure, especially like um, because these chairs are nice. But say um, like you said what, if you want more comfort, you know, yeah, slide a little baby couch on the side, yeah, and especially, just so, the sideway people.
Speaker 1:We have more people yeah, yeah, let them sit over there yeah they get a little comfortable and shit are you right?
Speaker 2:yeah?
Speaker 1:but shit, let me go ahead and let me oh cheers my brother hey, cheers, cheers, thank you, thank you cheers, guys, cheers. Well, welcome back to another episode of the broke boys. I'm martin and today I have a special guest. What happened? You good, I hella hit the table. I hella heard it Say it again. No, I lowered your volume on the microphone. It's off. You're good. Oh my God, no you good. Wow, that was just like wow. No, you good, you good.
Speaker 3:You had. No, you good, you have to drink water. That's essential. She took a shot of buzz ball too.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but today I got my special guest, jay Verde, who's been my life like long time, like child.
Speaker 3:We've been life, partners Life partners dude. Not to be honest, bro, since when?
Speaker 1:Since we were like in Roosevelt bro Elementary school, youngins yeah, yeah bro elementary school yeah, youngins, youngins yeah fuck, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:That's why I had to slide through bro no, I'm glad.
Speaker 1:I'm glad you came back. You know, for another episode, a lot of people who came on and listened to the podcast before they know who you are, and for the people that are newly introduced and now see the video, they see who you are.
Speaker 3:That's the thing, though it's like you had people you know what I'm saying, yeah, but now you have more people, so your growth is scary in a good way. Yeah, yeah, that's how I was. Like, bro, I love it, bro, I love seeing them like damn. So, if I even get to be in an episode like today, bro, like, oh, dude, you're always welcome you're always welcome.
Speaker 1:You're one of the people that I will always be grateful for for the amount of gratitude and helping, like the growth behind all of it. No, you're this way Relax, but no, truly 100%. I always do my best to, you know, give credit where credit's due, and you're one of the people for sure.
Speaker 3:No, yeah, I mean, it was coming kind of like easy, you know, like oh, my boy needs help here, boom, boom, boom. That's why, and plus I don't look at you like a stranger or competition you know what I'm saying like I said I've been knowing you for a while, bro, so it's like, yeah, that's smart for sure.
Speaker 1:No, thank you. I appreciate it, bro. Today I definitely wanted you to come back and do it. I know we had an episode with Ivan. Ivan ¿se la pasó poquito pedo Damn.
Speaker 3:Did you listen to it? Oh, he showed me a little bit because I couldn't listen to the rest.
Speaker 1:I was like bro, what are you saying? He's like that's the thing I don't know. Yeah, no.
Speaker 3:It made sense. Though, in the moment, we're like, wow, you're right.
Speaker 1:We're like, yes, yes, and I told him I was just like, are you sure I don't want to publish this yet? And it took such a long time because then he was like, let me just listen to it. And then he listened to it. He was like, yeah, no, scratch that. He was like, don't even put it out.
Speaker 3:I tell him, I tell him, I tell him I like drinking, bro, I enjoy it. But when you drink too much where you like, say when you're like bumbling you look all stupid. I'm like, yeah, bro, this is what you want to drink for, but you look stupid. Yeah. So I like enjoying it, bro, like when we sip it. That's when I saw like you sipping, you just chilling.
Speaker 1:I'm like, bro that's perfect, just smooth sailing. At this point it's just like, not like. I look at my calmadito, you know.
Speaker 3:For sure yeah.
Speaker 1:That's what I've learned Like. I've made sure like I don't drink excessively or ever be to that point. It's always been like no it's una.
Speaker 3:you know it was fun, though. I mean I know you did and I know like I did too. It was fun, bro, just drop them, drop them. Yeah, see how much you can drink, or even with your boys.
Speaker 1:Yeah, even getting high Left and right. You know I'm guilty of that. I know you still do it, you know.
Speaker 3:Hell yeah, I try not to Say when it's like Realized like Say bit, like music business. I gotta study this Study that I try not to bro At all.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:When it's creative time, bro, just.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Puff bro, I chief, yeah, yeah I'm glad you brought up the music. So how's that going, bro? Give me any update, anything new that you're you're currently crafting it's going good, bro.
Speaker 3:To be honest, right now, just like a rebranding moment, I guess okay because when I started making music, it was more about just myself. Oh, this is how I feel. Yeah, I feel hurt, I feel hurt you feel pain. I didn't even know why I was making music, bro.
Speaker 3:I was just like writing a poem, bro, just like yeah dropping and dropping it until I got to the point where I was like am I making music for myself or like other people? I could do it for myself, but well, I'm just wasting my time, wasting my money yeah, that's true yeah, yeah. So nowadays I'm like I said, rebranding, but towards the way it was like incorporating the people yeah you're evolving. Yeah, yeah, hell yeah, fuck yeah, yeah that's good man, that's good.
Speaker 1:I've listened to some of the recent tracks and I listened to manos de dios and I I relate to it, I listen, I feel it. It's like, it's like odd. And then also, what I wanted to ask you is, like it's Spanish, so it's like completely the opposite side of it and like I just wanted to know, like okay, like, was that like an easy transition for you to do? Was it hard? You know, because me, as a nozabo kid, like you know, like I know those worries, but sometimes I can't be speaking to the maestros del otro lado, you know.
Speaker 3:That's true? No, at first it was bro, because I was like dude, I'm trying to do Spanish. Why, though? Because I'm like I have to. Even my mom knew I did music, but I couldn't show her. She don't understand my music.
Speaker 2:Yeah¿, qué es esto? Yeah, it's like that.
Speaker 3:So I was like I had to learn. I already know Spanish. I'm like I just have to Perfect it, I guess. Yeah, I mean already I guess kind of. But like you said, no savo yeah. So I'm like Stupid ass. Internet Just gets you like that.
Speaker 2:You know what I'm saying yeah, yeah, yeah so.
Speaker 3:I'm like I have to learn, but what makes it easier for me Is just the same flow. Like the same flow. I rap in flow and style like in Spanish.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's your style. Transition the words yeah, it's your style, yeah.
Speaker 3:Transition the words yeah, yeah. So once I found that out, I was like all right, it's easier. Yeah. But, I ain't gonna lie bro To write, because I tried to. I didn't like writing until my boy, Ivan, he, put me on, he likes writing, he likes writing and they're all deep cool. You know he got the words like some little wing shit. That's what I like yeah just punching in some metaphors like oh, that's witty yeah, yeah, I like doing that.
Speaker 3:But then I got into songwriting. Like I said that food, I can rock, start turtle, and then just like bigger songs bro, all the big songs are like written, or even eminem, like I said.
Speaker 2:Well, he wrote songs yeah, dr j you know what I'm saying yeah, yeah, yeah, they all started he wrote it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, he didn't just think about it, think about it and just like freestyle, yeah, so I'm like I have to learn how to write music, bro. Yeah, so then lately too, um and it's a great craft.
Speaker 1:It's a great unique talent to have. Yeah, she's a bitch, but yeah, I was about to ask that yeah because there's times where I'm like man, fuck this.
Speaker 3:But I'm like I like doing it, I like to challenge bro. Yeah, I'm just there sitting, I'm like I'm gonna do it, yeah I love that.
Speaker 1:I love embracing challenges that you don't know what the fuck you're doing and then, in the moment, you're just like, why the fuck do I do this myself?
Speaker 3:but it's like a thrill yeah, you know but I'm glad.
Speaker 1:I'm glad to hear that, oh yeah so tell me about the process. How give me the the ups and the downs of learning this whole new talent?
Speaker 3:the up was just exciting. You know, like, bro, I'm already mexican. Spanish, easy, I already know it. I guess, yeah, I'm just got to live up to my culture because I guess growing up um, I think I think you could like acknowledge to this as well where, growing up, say, we got our cards or something we'd grab around, blasting just hip-hop and stuff yeah yeah.
Speaker 3:So that's why I was like I have to acknowledge my culture and what I am. I already knew like Spanish songs, but I never really truly grasped to them Gotcha. So when I grasped to them I was like bro, like I'm missing out, I'm missing out on them, like they want to hear it. Even rap, bro, just rap.
Speaker 4:You, they want to hear it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, we've been wrapped, bro, just right. You know, there's like spanish rappers coming out like santa fe. Yeah, like them, that's like like bro, like they're like coming up and it's just like yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's like spanish, bro. Spanish is spanish, so if I was, it wouldn't be no different if I was like brazilian or brazilian brazilian. You know english. Whatever language I do or I learn, I'm gonna just wrap it in, bro. Nice, that's it. I don't know, I'm trying to get that in my head, yeah yeah I'm trying to learn new languages as well, like as I get older.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so that way I could just like to my head.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's good to give more of a palette you know, yeah of uniqueness and that's good, bro.
Speaker 3:That's incredible, yeah so right now, it's just that spanish. Like even till I write that song, that mano dios bro. I was just sitting there, bro, like is this song right? Like I mean, is this word right? I was going on google and I was like what does this meaning? Or translate this to spanish and say you know this to english? So frustrating.
Speaker 4:I was like man, I just want to know like I said, no sable.
Speaker 1:That's us too, though, bro yeah so we got to embrace our culture yeah, and then we're the first generation of being born here, oh yeah, so we know like our parents are coming from the motherland here. So like for us to learn English and then learn Spanish, and it's just like you're mixing you're caught in this both yeah and then you create this fucking Spanglish thing, you know, pero, like you know, no me gusta, no me gusta.
Speaker 3:Okay, that shit bro yeah. So I mean, I'm trying to perfect that as well, just to you know, make it professional, just fucking roll with it.
Speaker 2:yeah, Hell yeah.
Speaker 3:Other than that, too, I've been trying to learn how to, like I said, write songs Specifically like a good love, heartbreak or good you know not one that just you're just like oh, I'm crying, I'm crying I'm tearing up yeah, something you feel yeah oh yeah, so I've just been in the, in the lab, I guess but, just writing, bro, just writing tearing up papers no, this just sucks, this just sucks.
Speaker 3:yeah, usually I get an idea and all that's just really good, that's really good. And then I'm like two hours later I'm like that's just really good, that's really good. And then I'm like two hours later I'm like, no, that sucks, throw it away, yeah. That's just the process, bro. I'm trying to create something new. I guess you know what I'm saying. So next song I drop, for sure it's going to be a Spanish one as well.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like a love song as well, more like like so this is completely, this is definitely a completely different.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah version of jay verde.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, wow, yeah, this is gonna be more like I want to put you in like when you go to the movies oh, you know when you go to the movies and you're just thinking about, oh well, this movie makes me feel like this. You know they got the sound surround sound yeah, you feel like you're there.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so the next movie, the next movie, the next song I want to do, I want to put you in. You know, like when you meet, meet your girl, you barely meet her and you're like, oh man, I'm just thinking about you yeah, but that moment when you realize yeah, like say you're talking, you saw, you saw her right, and then you're home alone or something.
Speaker 3:But that moment, bro, you realize like, oh man, I'm thinking about you. Yeah, yeah, I'm thinking about you, yeah. So the song to the new song is honestly, guys like me, la paso pensando y pensando en ti. Okay okay, yeah, I'll try to put you there. I was like all right, took me a minute though, bro, to write it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so we're just going back and forth, back and forth yeah, and you almost have to get into that mindset of like feeling, getting those feelings all over again.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, because it almost have to get into that mindset of like feeling, getting those feelings all over again. Yeah because it's trying to mix my feelings. Yeah, yeah, be there in the moment, yeah. And then, as well as like, how would that person feel? Like the listener, yeah. So that's how I try to not not throw my life too much in there, like, yeah, you get it. You know from my albums, that's my life. Yeah, but now I want to make music for you yeah, yeah, yeah, some rebranding or something different.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah, nice, nice. Well, before I continue with anything else, bro, I do want to roll the intro. I know we jumped into it, real quick.
Speaker 2:Oh man, what the fuck.
Speaker 1:But this is the beauty, this is the beauty of starting it.
Speaker 2:So let's go ahead and let's roll the intro.
Speaker 4:Much love. Thank you, cause. Goodbye Fear to God. We make it out alive. I'll never leave my dogs behind. We stick together like we signed. We shooting stars, one of a kind. We undefeated just resign. Money more lower than a beast nowadays. Don't talk the talk if you can't walk, the walk yeah.
Speaker 3:Turtle, shout out Turtle. He makes good house music. I'll tell you that yeah yeah, yeah. Like that bumpy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yes, yes, he needs to keep going, he needs to keep going.
Speaker 1:I can't wait for his comeback.
Speaker 3:I can't wait. Yeah, I tell him. I tell him I can't wait, I'm waiting, I'm waiting.
Speaker 1:I'm patiently waiting too thing.
Speaker 3:He always jumps. He jumps when we last least expect it, yeah yeah yeah, yeah, hopefully tomorrow I'll see him, though he said, uh, after work or something, just because I just wanted to see him, just like real fast. You know just, bro, like you've been missing what's up, what's up yeah, I like doing that, bro. That's why I mean, I know you got the whole podcast, you know, but either way I would have slid on you, bro. I like just checking out, like oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:No, I appreciate that too, and, like I, I had hit him up too, just because I've I haven't heard from him in a while and I was just Making sure that he's good and everything he likes staying focused by himself.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah I used to take that shit hard. I was like, alright, motherfucker.
Speaker 2:Okay, you don't have to answer me.
Speaker 1:Yeah shit. No for sure. Well, I mean, if you don't mind, bro, I wanted to dive a little bit deeper into Manos de Dios. I had a question that I wanted to listen to. I was listening to the song and I was just like okay, I just wanted to know, like you know, betrayal cuts different when it comes from somebody close. So how do you work on rebuilding that trust or finding like a way to way to be, I guess you could say, like comfortable?
Speaker 3:again. Hey, bro, it's perfect. I think it's the perfect time to fucking talk about this. To be honest, bro, like my life situation right now is perfect. Watch, I'll tell you.
Speaker 1:He's cooking. He's cooking Perase, perase.
Speaker 3:Nah, look, basically that's about like you know, like family, Like. So basically that's about like, uh, you know, like family, like you know, everybody knows the saying it doesn't have to be blood to be family. Your circle's your family, right? Yeah, so it's like it hurts different when, like one of your family, friends, whatever cousins, one of your circle is like totally the opposite to what you guys have informed formed. Yeah, so you're like what the fuck? What like? What the fuck? Like it just throws you for a trip, bro. It throws you for a trip because you're like bro, you you don't do that. Like what the bro like. Yeah, especially when you open up your house, like your arms, your mental energy everything.
Speaker 3:Exactly that's what I'm saying, bro, like it's just, that's some, bro, it's some like, yeah, I don't condone that. Man, if you want to do that, I don't feel like there's a reason to do that. Talk to your circle members and be like hey, I'm feeling like this, this, and that you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and to make a funny move.
Speaker 3:It's ridiculous To think you can do it by yourself when you have a circle already, when you have a team already, when you have someone to talk to already. Yeah, so that, yeah, basically that's where I went into, and then I was trying to figure that out too throughout my life, like, yeah, throughout my life, like, um, how to not live with that? Because that shit fucks you up, you know, you're just mad all the time no, you don't know who to trust.
Speaker 1:You're like bro man you're so uneasy, you're just so hurt, like it's. It's an open wound that never healed.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, oh my gosh it makes you mad bro.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:So that shit, that itself it did get me for a while Like I'm just like there, just sitting with there, like obviously I don't do nothing with it, like toward acting it, but I just know it's there bothering me. Like I'm'm like why is it bothering you? Like, why, bro, like it's just sitting there just eating, yeah, yeah, and I'm like why, I'm like why, and I'm like I just felt like I just gave so much. You know like, yeah, especially like when you just give yourself you know like I said your energy wrong, like what the heck and that's the thing that you can't.
Speaker 1:You can't get that back. Yeah, like that's just a one-sided transaction. The amount of effort, the amount of time, the amount of you can, you can even say, like the amount of love, yeah, that you gave to that that person it's perfect that you say that too, because, um to me, mano de dios is like the love you know, like all the love I gave you. Yeah you don't buy that, yeah, the love bro, I gave you my love bro.
Speaker 3:I guess that's why I was like nah. And then recently I'm just trying to transition through that and go through that. So I don't you know. I'm going to say become a bitter man. I'm like I don't think I can, but I mean that, like you said, it does eat you away. So I'm like been trying to go through that friends closest ones, obviously nobody could get the right answer.
Speaker 3:They're just like oh damn or or uh, oh, you gotta have an open heart. You know, yeah, but you know always, bro, the last person you go to or should have been the first, or even if it is the first person you go to, it's always the last, like that person's always there yeah're like wow, your mom, bro. You know what I'm saying. Whether it be your mom, if you don't have your mom, it's your dad. If you don't have your dad, it's that one guardian that fucking got to your back.
Speaker 2:You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:So I asked my mom. She just told me that, like you, can't Just stay open to it, she pulled some Jesus stuff on me.
Speaker 3:You know she on me you know, she was like yeah turn the cheek turn, the cheek turn the cheek and she's like, yeah, even god fed his enemies, like yeah, and then you're like you never know like what, if that friend, I guess, is like really he knows he fucked up and or like in this moment he just wants to become better. I guess, because I'm saying what I'm saying, saying is everybody has had those fucked up moments, bro. Everybody fucks up, everybody, bro, we're all human. You know what I'm saying, everybody. So what she basically told me is everybody deserves a second chance. I'm like that's hard, but you are right, that's hard. If I want to mano de Dios, if I want to love, I guess, if I want to mano de Dios, if I want to love, I guess and live up to that morality of love, bro, me personally, I just get love, bro.
Speaker 1:If you don't like me, fuck you, but I'm just going to show love bro, yeah, that's the best form that you can I guess that's the only form that you can give back is, as much as it bothers you and hurts you. You have to make peace with it and it's not saying like, oh, you rekindle and give that person a second chance, If anything it's more of like it's now different, though.
Speaker 3:That's the thing, yeah, because you're a different person and I'm a different person.
Speaker 1:Yes, exactly.
Speaker 3:Now what we're trying to build is like, hey, let's just talk about it, right? Boom, boom, boom, boom. Hey, why'd you do this, this and that?
Speaker 3:All right, let's get through it. No new chapter, new chapter? I don't know. That's basically what I'm trying to know, what I'm getting to in my life right now like I said, throughout my life and what I'm living through right now. That's what I'm living. So I'm like, do I forgive this person? I'm like, but you know, I do love and enjoy the moments we can make and the possibilities we can do together. So just explain to me why you did all this before I make a move.
Speaker 1:You know what I'm saying, so that's where I'm at right now. Yeah, and I get it and you know what, and it sounds like you have some form of communication with this person. Still, oh yeah, and since you do, I mean, hey, by all means, if there's a way, if that's going to help, you do it For sure.
Speaker 3:The thing for me, too, is always like I did the communication first. So whether it be a friend or even family members like this goes also for my dad Like that fool never talked to me because we were like oil and water and we were like oil and water and we were like my other stuff or like whatever I had bro.
Speaker 3:I remember having my little sandwich and that food, just ate it. We had nothing else. I'm like, bro, what the? Yeah, I was like so he was that type of person. So then, even then, like I'm the one that talked first, like I'm the one that you know grabs my balls and I'm like hey, bro, like yeah, I miss you.
Speaker 3:You're the the bigger person. Yeah, yeah, yeah, because if not, that shit just gets me. I'm like bro, I miss my friend. Bro, like what the fuck? And then I pull through. I'm like yo, what's up, just talk about it.
Speaker 2:Just talk about it yeah.
Speaker 3:And you're going to have to hear me out, just like I'm going to hear you out.
Speaker 1:Yeah, tremend to have that power because that's something that I don't, I don't for me, I don't give that energy like once. Once it's like, once it's over, yeah, and it's, it's oh, that's how.
Speaker 3:That's how I was. This is literally barely now, bro, and I've been like that my whole life. I was like you know, fuck you. But I had, like I'm literally trying to learn. I'm like you know, yeah, love, I guess love because I come from a place with no love. Yeah, I'm like I guess, give him opportunity, opportunity to talk at least yeah, I'm gonna hear you out.
Speaker 3:For sure, let me hear you out. If you don't like it, I'll push off. Yeah, because I tell everybody I'm like, if I don't everybody that's in my circle, I'm like, if I don't like the vibe, whatever you're doing, I'm gonna just pull away, like don't, don't feel offended, but I'm gonna just not talk to you, I'm gonna just go my own way. You're being weird. Just fuck, yeah, like yeah, kill the vibe, yeah, yeah, but me personally I'm like pulling up. I'm like yo, what's up? What's wrong?
Speaker 3:this and that, yeah, that's weird bro it's like I know they're my people and there's like if you were my people once, I'm like like, say your circle, right, boom, you already made it. You made this podcast stuff. And then out of your new friends, right, you guys making it out, and then one fucks you over and then you keep going, you keep going. That's what happened, yeah, yeah, yeah, but say another time or even in this same occasion, and then you see this person on the side and really needs help and you got it, bro.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Like are you going to let all that shit just get to you?
Speaker 1:Like, oh man, you know what I'm saying. Like it doesn't change the character that I am.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it doesn't change the generosity but I'll tell you what changes you in the moment, though yes, I say that person needed you right now. You'd be like like just thinking you'd think about it.
Speaker 1:You know, you know what about it, bro the sad truth about that is is that I don't give a fuck about anything it's it's more of like you call me. I've always said, hey, I stand on that. Hey, I've always said, hey, bro, if you ever need anything, give me a call. I'm always going to be the person that you can call at any given moment and I'll be there.
Speaker 3:They should know. They should know.
Speaker 1:And at the end of the day, like no matter what we can be on no speaking terms or anything, they give me that call like hey, bro, I know I might be the last person that you think, but I'm going to need some help. Yeah, yeah, yeah, my dumb ass would go.
Speaker 3:Yeah, exactly that's what I'm saying. Yeah, that's good. I know we love to live on hate and love to live on like, well, fuck them. But what you just said is just perfect, bro. You can say all you want, but whoever calls you in the middle of the night and you know you can help him I'm like like bro, I don't even like you, but fuck it, I'll help you. Let's do it.
Speaker 1:Because I feel like that's a way of like God, being like hey, you have to be the bigger person, you have to show that.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's just a like a blessing, and I guess.
Speaker 2:And a have to.
Speaker 3:You can't just be like a woman be like well, fuck them, I don't fuck them, I don't get fucked. You know, like bro, like I guess I'm out to be what's up? Yeah, because at the end of the day, you're trying to make your circle. You're strong as fuck. So it's like, bro, I know you, I know you scattered and you left, but what are you about for real, let me know?
Speaker 1:boom, boom yeah, and that's how, and that's how it should be strong again. Yeah, and that's how it should be. Like you know, just to be open in the conversation talk, yeah, don't fucking pretend and then bullshit your way out of it and then fucking run yeah, you can't do that.
Speaker 3:You gotta be real be, real, be real, especially when the one in the circle is being real, telling you hey, talk to me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know like sometimes you just waste your breath on the, on people that, yeah, are only destined to be for a chapter oh yeah, that's true, that's true.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's true. That's what damn yeah yeah, so that's true, that's true. Got me down, that's fucking true. No yeah, hell yeah. But say what if in like the next chapter, that food, you know whoever it is pulls through? I'm like man, I need some help, bro. Or even if it ain't help, I'm good, you're good. I know I fucked up, let's just drink some shit.
Speaker 1:Are you asking me about?
Speaker 2:my current situation.
Speaker 1:If he were to call me and to say, hey, let's start fresh, let's start new. Respectfully, I would just be like.
Speaker 3:All right, it's too early. It is too early right now, but imagine later.
Speaker 1:No, no no, and I'm talking about years too, I'm saying I appreciate it. We'll see in a couple years. Yeah, I appreciate you, you know having the balls to reach me out, but I think I think it's best if we just keep our distance. You know, the water's already been divided, shit was already said that you can't take back. I just want you to live your life and I'm just living mine and what if I'm like, just hear me out and I'll hear you out if that's the closure that that person needs.
Speaker 1:But there is no. There is no like. I think. For me it's just like once that once that chapter's over and I'm moved on with my life, he moved on with his life. That's just the way I see it and that's with everybody that I've had that's been part of my inner circle.
Speaker 3:I love talking like that and I love thinking like that, but my girl, don't let me bro like no, no cause she's also on the same boat, like she's like no, that person already divided waters. But then she's like you can't be living like that as well. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, that's true, bro. Back to the song. That's why right now in life it's just in the middle, like, bro, don't mind the hand that feeds you.
Speaker 3:Like what the fuck do I do now bitch you, bit me? Yeah the hell, what the hell Do I kill you? Yeah, yeah. That's why, back to the song again, it's like I just. That's why I want to make some of those songs that are more real, realistic to life, like what you're going through, yeah, yeah, oh yeah. Especially I mean especially like listening to your podcast, like it just inspired me, like every podcast is just real life. Every episode that you say, or that you say words, every word, bro, throughout every episode, is just real as and what you happening, what happened in that moment, what you did. I'm like, all right, you know, he's honest.
Speaker 1:Like it's not just, it's not just some lily la di da yeah, like it's inspired me as well, bro, like I appreciate that, thank you, yeah, hell yeah.
Speaker 3:I tell people, um, just keep doing what you're doing, like you don't? You never know who. Who you're inspiring, bro, like yeah like, say, this podcast stuff has nothing to do with rapping but still inspired me.
Speaker 1:Like yeah, but even then, like, who's to say that this platform has always been for people to be inspired, to be known?
Speaker 2:like hey I, I came from nothing.
Speaker 1:I don't have nothing. Yeah, and look at what I, what I have built oh yeah, and boys, and it's just like, it's incredible, the journey and to have artists like you to be open and vulnerable. That shows a different level of who the artist is. And then that just it grows, the self-growth, the Jay Verde that they've seen in the past episodes, the years back, isn't the same Jay Verde as now. You are evolving, you're changing. It's not even changing, because changing isn't the right word evolving is a perfect word, because you're evolving you're upgrading, you're going to the next phase.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah yeah, and only two, because I mean just hanging out, like I said, with you guys. It's just like do you want this? Yeah you know, I've been knowing I want this. But now, like I said, with this whole new songwriting and this who like making songs for, for the people, like bro, like I really do want this, I'm like, I know, I know I'm good at it. I just gotta polish it and then just redo it just go at it, go at it, yeah, yeah, go ahead.
Speaker 3:Because I'm like I love being in the studio, bro, I'm always at the studio. Like I said, there's a lot of shit that I just don't like, so I just toss it away. I'm like, nah, I'm just trying to perfect my craft, perfect the craft, perfect the craft. I know it'll never truly be perfect, but I want to get to a point where it's like, wow, this is different, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Something that satisfies you. Yeah. Yeah, that's good, because that's it's almost like. It's almost like you are Creating this canvas, yeah, and you want to make sure that, before you finish it, you finish the whole painting.
Speaker 2:Yeah, making sure it's all done. Yeah, oh yeah, true.
Speaker 3:True, true, yeah. Yeah, like with this new song that I'm about to drop, it took me like, right, you're going to listen to it, it's just going to be three minutes. But the time it took me Like, right, you're going to listen to it, it's just going to be three minutes, but the time it took me, no one is ever going to know it's like it took me like at least two months, bro. Usually it doesn't, usually it takes me like 10 minutes to make, or two months, because I really wrote on it and I really like it's something super different for me, bro.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's close to you.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, yeah, like a real ass love song, real ass, Like you said closer to me, I wrote it, I wanted to be official and I know, at the end of the day, I need to and I should be, and I am making forever music, forever music. Whatever music you listen to, you always go back bro. Even if it's some old shit, you go back you still remember it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah, Music will always live on, and that's the beauty of it too. You're leaving behind this.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's why right now, I know that's why it's very rocky and muddy and it seems like it's not even going to go nowhere, but it's because I'm really trying to structure it right.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:So the foundations. I want it to be so strong it just won't fall.
Speaker 1:Exactly, and sometimes I'm a strong believer and I don't know if you're, you know, like into faith or anything like that. No, I'm not.
Speaker 4:Never mind.
Speaker 2:I retract myself.
Speaker 1:I'm just like. But I am a firm believer that God puts these obstacles. We're all walking the same path, the path that we choose. We either choose the right structures to go through, we choose what we're doing, but at the end of the day, if you really want this, I feel like god sometimes puts obstacles purposely. To be like let's see how much you really want it. Oh yeah, let's see how much, how much effort you're willing to put in it, because people can judge you and be like oh, they can critique your journey and critique all the things.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, they want yeah.
Speaker 1:But at the same time they won't see the amount of effort that you put in, yeah, and they won't see.
Speaker 3:nor will they see that Like, say, even just to put a video right, say right now that you're starting right and I know you'll be editing your videos right.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And you're like man. I don't know if it's good, but it's good for me and, like you said, people are going to critique it. I'm like what the fuck is this? Some people like it, some people don't.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:But at the end of the day it's like at least you're doing the journey. Yeah, bro, what if they had nothing to critique? Yeah, while you tweak it and you keep making it better and me making it better.
Speaker 3:But when I started, I remember some guy was like this isn't even real rap. What the fuck is real rap, bro? I understand real rap is what the fuck is real rap? You know what I'm saying? Rob Markman Jr, Fuck you. No, yeah, I guess I guess, bro, Real rap to me would just be just telling your story Telling your story. Telling your story, Telling your story, telling your story, telling your story bro Like some Eminem shit, like they didn't let him come up.
Speaker 3:They're like that's not real rap. What's real rap, bro? You just don't like it.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Chill out, chill out, try to enjoy. If you don't enjoy this song, you might enjoy the next one. Yeah, that's how I see. That's why I mean that's why how they say like I remember I had this family member I had put out a video and then they had like a little family party and I went to the party, right, I dropped my video. I was feeling all good, all fresh, like yes, I'm a rapper. And she's like, yeah, I'm like oh it's like I ever see the pegas.
Speaker 3:So in my head I'm like, yeah, that's the whole point. Drop a song, see that one will hit the next one yeah that's.
Speaker 1:I'm trying to get more serious with it, serious with it, serious yeah for sure and that's that's the other thing too is like being into this creative world, right, you're gonna get people that are looking at you and like judging you, being like, oh yes oh yeah, and it's just like no, like I'm still the same person, nothing changes I'm just like doing this yeah this is this is my passion.
Speaker 3:Yeah, my, I'm good at this. I'm good at this, yeah, just some people have different hobbies.
Speaker 3:This is just mine yeah, bro, yeah you're gonna have haters like a motherfucker, for sure fuck yeah bro, but you just gotta look at, be like, hey, I appreciate that you still looked at the video yeah, but truly, though, um, what I've noticed too like from some of my songs, the ones that do really good they bring in more hate, meaning more views and more like engagement. So it's like yes, I'm like all right, uh, what's that one song? Um, so like what else? I'm like that?
Speaker 1:yeah, I know what you're talking about.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah that means I'm advancing type of like bro, like that's real, like if, if you don't get no hates under or no comment. Like no comments, no mean no, this is whack. You're not really truly out in the market. Yeah, you know, you're not making noise. You're not making noise. You're not making noise. Get through the hate first, you know like get through it and then right there you'll find it bro.
Speaker 2:You'll find it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's what I found out, bro.
Speaker 1:That's what I damn. These people be ugly sometimes when they hate.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, it's just like whoa fuck, I saw bigger people like celebrities and shit. They say don't look at the comments.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I'm just like maybe I shouldn't either.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I don't know. No, I don't know when I started this. I guess my digital journey.
Speaker 1:There you go, digital career.
Speaker 3:Yeah, digital career. Oh yeah, that's what it is now.
Speaker 3:Yeah, like when I started that, I know people just come in and say, nah, this is where this is whack even so, like nowadays, like I said, if one song is really getting in there, obviously the hell come in. But I just look at it as that, like, oh, it's trying to, it's trying to, yeah, get through. It's trying to get through. It's trying to get through and people are just to get through. It's trying to get through and people are just like, ah, fuck this, no, no, no, no.
Speaker 4:Just keep pushing it, keep pushing it. Yeah, you got to keep it going.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, and people are the right people, you'll find the right people. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Before you get through the bullshit, let them talk, let them this Because get to him really bad.
Speaker 1:Wow, that's why you don't do it no more. Yeah, bad bro. He's like no, no, what is this? And nowadays, like man, like I just seen literally this this popped up on my tiktok feed this dude had a million likes, rapped about how he was a torta, a built man, that he was like fucking sureno something. It went fucking viral. His rapping was just like offbeat. It made no sense, but I was like damn, like people can really make content out of anything and really push themselves.
Speaker 3:It's the beautiful part.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:It's like you can hate all you want. I know there's super big haters because it's like especially like the older people, but I know older people like me. Personally, I like, uh, I work in, like the digital space, so I know older people that are in it. Yeah, so most haters are just people who don't know how to work the internet. Bro, post yourself doing what you like. Yeah, that should go viral they're like fucking internet trolls yeah, if not that one, the next one, yeah.
Speaker 3:It's like if he could do it, you could do it. Yeah, that's why I like this, that's why I say the beauty of it, because he had a phone. What do you have? A?
Speaker 1:phone bro exactly, yeah, so stop hating, start doing exactly, but some people don't, though they talk about it. They and I just had this conversation with my boy, dj, because we were literally just discussing about, like, how content is. Because people are like oh, let me get on the podcast, let me get on the podcast, and it's just like okay, but no one's reached out. No one's just like hey, you can swipe up and say it all the time, but it's just like okay, let's do it, you know, but you're not going to, you can't half-ass either thing. No, you can't. No, you're either all in or all out.
Speaker 3:You can't be half in, half out. Yeah, that's true, bro. Yeah, kind of like you, you know, getting all the equipment and stuff. You could have stayed with the little stuff you had. Yeah, but why?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:You know why I want it bigger.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:I was just like. I was just like I need to get to the next level, I think it's just the will bro.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think it's also like the mentality, the motivation, like how much are you willing to do, how much?
Speaker 3:are you willing to sacrifice? Yeah, because most people say they're willing to sacrifice a lot, but Nah but you could tell and they act like they are sacrificing a lot.
Speaker 1:I'm like no, you're not bro, you're not bro, you're not. Yeah, yes, yes, you could tell you, and I think that's that's one of the things that I really like when I'm. When I hang out with, with new people or find these new people, I can sense their energy. I can sense it.
Speaker 1:And if it's like not they're not as passionate or not as motivated, then it's just like you're like oh man, go ahead like because there's people that are like, oh yeah, I'm so, I want to do this, I want to do this and go go viral and do all this. It's just like okay, cool, then start, start with the video. Yeah, start doing something. And still nothing, nothing, yeah, and it's just like okay. Like hey, not everybody is motivated. If you really want to chase your dreams and really want to chase something that you know it's out of the ordinary or anything like that, it doesn't fucking matter what anybody else thinks. It's what you want to do and what you're passionate about Get your lazy ass up.
Speaker 3:There shouldn't be no fucking reason, especially when you got your phone in your face. I know you're scrolling, I know you're scrolling.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I know, you're just scrolling looking at ass and titties on yeah scrolling. That's just martin she just stopped me straight from the chair oh shit.
Speaker 3:No, that's true, especially with like um as well me personally, bro, with you being in this digital space as well. How do you feel about breaks?
Speaker 1:I feel like it messes up your momentum a lot. Um to them, it's it's. If you need to have it and you have to like, take the time, do it. I recommend you do it before you're just like, but don't do it too long and don't forget why you're doing this whole thing.
Speaker 3:For I think, if anything, it should be at least. Ah, bro, breaks are tricky, like you said, they kill your momentum. So fuck so much. Yeah, so fucking much so much bro. Yeah, so fucking much so much so, especially in this scrolling era, and you think you're like oh man, what is it? Mental health yeah.
Speaker 3:I get all that Totally, 100%, totally. But like you said, if you want this, don't stop. If you want this, at least the weekend, chill out for the weekend, sleep all fucking day, sleep on it, give it a while. But yeah, you can't do a whole ass. Break A whole break. A month, break A fucking yeah, I think, a month break is Crazy.
Speaker 4:Is drastic.
Speaker 1:Not even crazy, because, again, it just depends on the level of like that you're going through. But at the same time, but at the same time like hey.
Speaker 3:No, but I mean say, if you were in the fucking army, shit, like they would be. Like they'd say fuck your mental health. You want this or not, you know you want it, the military mentality yeah. You want it or not, you want it, bro. If you really want it, you're not taking no breaks. Yeah, imagine like say, mr Beast, right, he saw your podcast and he's like you know what, martin, here's $100,000. Just keep upgrading your shit and keep every day, keep every day. Are you taking a break? Nah, you know why? Why?
Speaker 1:would I, why would I?
Speaker 3:So every day you got to live like that, bro, because somebody's going to see it and want to invest on it. So breaks I don't know breaks the trigger, bro yeah thank me, man. That's why at least I try to post at least at least a break a day you know I'm saying maybe, or the weekend, like I said most every day. Though keep stay on your shit yeah if you're not posting every day, work every day, fucking you know what's next. What's next?
Speaker 1:write it down. What's next? Yeah, for sure it's. It's consistently thinking about the next thing and finding ways of like okay, how can I continue?
Speaker 3:going. Yeah, I mean, this is where it gets to the point where it sounds easy and most people now, thanks to this digital age shit, they know it's not easy, like, yeah you got to think about new creative stuff you can't follow the upgraded stuff. Yeah, you can't keep doing the same stuff over and over.
Speaker 1:They're gonna get bored, yeah so if you want this, you can do it, but it is work this is another thing that you have to do on top of your day-to-day life. Like, like I explained it to to dj, I think I explained it to ivan too like my schedule monday through friday, I'm working the whole day. By the time I get home I'm super exhausted, physically, mentally. What time you get out it depends on my days. Oh shit, yeah, but I go in hella early 2, 2.30 to 3am Every day. Oh, so it's like 2?
Speaker 1:Yeah, what time you go to sleep Some you can ask Kat Some days at like 8 7? That's some you can ask at some days at like eight, seven, that's good. Yeah, I tried it seven. Sometimes there's times where I go to bed at like fucking 10 and I'm just like fucking miserable the next morning I can't do that, no, yeah and it's just like okay, then afterwards I have to come edit, do different things or get ready for my next project get it ready for my next interview, but that's what you look forward to now exactly it's like my high.
Speaker 3:It's another thing to look forward to, bro I'm telling you, the more you keep doing that I look at it as like, um like, imagine this right, you're doing your job. You keep pushing, keep pushing, keep pushing, doing this hobby stuff. Whatever how they call it, you know it's your hobby or yeah oh all right, oh my god just because people be taught even rap with rapping. Bro, like I have family members doing that shit, like they're like oh well, rapping's a hobby I know, I know you're in your hobby.
Speaker 3:Oh, it's just support me. What the fuck are you talking about my hobby? What the fuck it's for real?
Speaker 1:yeah, about to die for this shit.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, like because I know you got supporters and stuff, but they are. Some people are just like, bro, what are you doing this for? Like, yeah, you know, like what the fuck like everything. So the more you do it, bro, comes to forever. Whoever whoever's listening to this, you know, do your pay the bill job every time you come home. Like you said, do the the creative job, the thing you really want to do, whether it be, you know, music, playing games yeah.
Speaker 1:Get good at it. Get good at it Because now people bro. And some people. You don't have to be professional.
Speaker 3:Upload your games and you go, you know bro, you can do whatever the fuck you want in this world nowadays, that's the beauty bro, enough. Well, you're gonna leave the other one, because this first one's gonna replace it.
Speaker 1:Boom it might transition over, yeah yeah.
Speaker 3:And then the first one was just like whatever little money you save up for me, bro, invest it in here, invest it in here invest it in here. This one's gonna grow faster than this one. Yeah, that's why I like bro in this little digital age and that everybody could do it right. Everybody has money.
Speaker 1:Money can be printed anywhere. With all this beautiful room, it's, it's literally.
Speaker 3:You just gotta know how you know, find your niche, find how to do it. Mm-hmm, what was it Like hit the target, you know.
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 3:Figure it out, boom, yeah, that's it.
Speaker 1:It's different yeah. It is. It's completely a different era, era of of ways to find the winnings.
Speaker 3:Oh, yeah and but again, like there's people that are not obsessed with it, not not fully invested into it I think that's the people you know, you guys who claim and think or say I'm just not creative, bro. I've heard that so many times. Oh, I'm just not creative. Yes, you are. Think about it. Think about it. What do you like to do? I know you go home and do something, whether it be movies and shit. What is it you like about the movies, bro? Like yeah. Or cooking, like some shit bro something but don't say you're just not creative.
Speaker 3:Figure it out. Figure it out. You know there's enough money in this world and no phones to, just like you said, print it out. Print it out. Figure it out. You know there's enough money in this world and no phones to, just like you said, print it out print it out.
Speaker 1:Print it out, yeah, and, like I said, I've always given you credit because you were the one to tell me. Like just, you have a phone.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, take it out, record, do a vlog yeah, especially only because it's like, if you start doing it now, bro, you start getting the rough parts and the you know the cringy parts because your moment's out the way. Oh yeah, out the way, out the way and then you get used to it.
Speaker 1:I I'm getting to the point where it's now getting used to the camera yeah well, I mean, look at the size of me and look at the size of the camera I was still. It was less intimidating, yeah but even then, like, there's moments where I'm like I'm literally in public.
Speaker 1:We I had a vlog that we were at the barnes and noble, oh nice and um, and I literally put the camera down and I'm like doing something and this be heat. That's walking by and she's like like staring and I was just like my bad and I grabbed the camera and I'm just like oh yeah, take off bro I said yeah, I should have fucked with you.
Speaker 3:You know, fucking red huh, you're like oh god, she's like look at this big ass dude nah, but still, bro, at the end of the day say, would you feel, uh, like that if the end of the day say you were making the amount of money you wanted from this, you wouldn't feel that way.
Speaker 3:You'd be like what bitch yeah you know, I'd be like this pay my bills, yeah, yeah, what. You know what I'm saying, what it's? Just keep pushing it, bro, because you're you're breaking it. You're breaking the what is it? The, the barrier, the ice yeah for you to keep going, and keep going, and keep going. So whenever you feel weird, and then later on you're not gonna feel weird, you're gonna keep doing it like nothing bro and then that's the point where people are gonna be like oh man, he's so good at it, you don't?
Speaker 2:know. You don't know what I went through. You don't know what I did.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you don't know what the fuck I've gone through.
Speaker 3:Yeah, bro, but I, uh, you give me props and credit, but I give you as well props and credit, bro, for like, just doing it. Bro. Like you say, many people talk, talk, talk. But you're doing it, bro, step by step, day by day. So I said in this the growth is just scary bro in a good way.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it is, and again, I'd rather be doing this than to not be doing anything at all.
Speaker 3:Oh, yeah, but still, I mean from listening, bro. From listening, bro, I'll explain it. Like I give you mad respect cause, like you said, you give people a voice, but not just that, you give people an ear. You know, people like to come on here and talk, talk, talk, talk, talk. But they don't understand, like the host himself he's letting you talk, bro you know the host himself. He's letting you talk like yeah, you got your questions.
Speaker 3:But there you talk, bro, you know the host himself he's letting you talk. Yeah, like, yeah, you got your questions, but there's times when you know you just let him talk. Bro, people like coming on here, like you said, just being a voice, and you let him talk.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's a matter of respect for giving people ear, like for sure people don't know people don't know that they need an ear bro yeah a lot of people just need to talk events and then who's to say that whoever is is talking or whoever else is opening up, it doesn't attract somebody else that's listening and somebody else is like, wow, I can relate to. Who this?
Speaker 1:is yeah, that's what I say, because it just makes more relatable like, oh man, like this fool yeah, and then anybody that comes here knows and I try my best to know that this is a safe spot. Yeah, this is a safe place. This is between me and you. Tomorrow you'll be like hey, martin, you know what I? I didn't like the episode, bro, can you no?
Speaker 2:yeah no hard feelings okay, I got you.
Speaker 1:That's the person that I am. No, that's true, that's real and that's just how it is. Like I have? No, it will. I'm not doing this for clout. I'm not doing like. I'm not that type of person. I've always been. Hey, you come on here and be Cheers bro Cheers.
Speaker 3:Nah, you're real as fuck, man, I'll give you that. You're real as fuck. Appreciate it Not just because you want to be or you try, but you're just genuine bro. You know, not just because you want to be or you try, but you're just genuine bro. You know, maybe just because of the way you grew up on most people aren't.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I know most people take advantage oh yeah, oh yeah people are like that I just like that. So much bro I hate when people are like that. It's just like nah, like we deserve to be kinder to one another in this world. We deserve to be there for one another in this world.
Speaker 3:Other people make it hard, though, but that's why I'm trying to stay on that path of like just show love, bro, just show love, try, try your absolute best, bro, but I get you. It is hard, it is tempting to be in this fucking journey and you know earlier when you were talking about Tripp or Trail bro, like I I, it took me so long to heal from what I went through and I'm still.
Speaker 3:It's still gonna be a while, probably, bro. Yeah, it's still gonna be a while. Like I said, my situation is more like three years, four years, maybe. You know I let it pass by for years, but I would always think on it, I always think on it, I always think on it, bro and I can't imagine so that's why, in my head, I'm like I at least need the closure of like, bro. Why, like, just hear it. I'll let you hear you out, bro. Yeah, I'll let you talk, fuck it.
Speaker 3:Because I'm just thinking and thinking. I'm like bro, what the fuck, Stupid shit.
Speaker 1:Yeah for you, bro, is um. Do you think loyalty nowadays changed with like friendships or even best friends or significant?
Speaker 3:others. Oh yeah, I mean, it's always been the same. You know loyalties to whoever you want to and whoever you think is beneficial like, has has it like faded?
Speaker 1:in that sort of sense, yeah, are people now better, or are they better at hiding their own intentions now?
Speaker 3:I think, thanks to this social media, people think they want to have other intentions. You know, I'm saying like even to get a girl right now, bro. Like the dating with the dating world right now, bro. Like bro, social media fucked up the game I'm lucky I'm lucky I'm like I grabbed myself a piece before social media I'm blessed.
Speaker 1:I am also blessed, like I'm glad, that me and cat we work things out, because I can't even imagine how this dating life is now and like seeing it and and hearing stories about it is insane. I would not want to do that shit right now yeah no, especially because everybody's just too open too.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and then me personally, when just growing up, bro, I always thought like, uh, everything was just a little more deeper than what it is. So that's why, just growing up as I got older and realizing people were just more open with everything, nonchalant, whatever. I'm like what the fuck, what the hell. People just want to do what the fuck they want to do, I guess.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it's just, it's insane of like how you can't find a genuine connection anymore. Yeah, and that's just what I think. Maybe you do, maybe you do, maybe you do have little things, but I don't.
Speaker 3:It's just harder because, back to what I said, people think they can do whatever the fuck they want to do. I got this connection and I think it's going to be better. Over here, bro, you're already chilling with this person. What are you doing?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Give it a try.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I was also back to your songs, bro. I was listening to the song with Permethazine and when I heard you say this lyrics you know about saying your mom would have would have never my mom's love, would have never like freeze. Oh yeah, can you like talk about like her influence and her love Was it, and how that helped you like get through the darker moments? Shoot, because I know that you know the relationship.
Speaker 3:We had that at peace.
Speaker 1:Well, I know that the relationship with your dad was so rocky and so hard.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I mean, luckily for her, it was for her, luckily for me, I had her. She was always more like just stay open, stay loving. You know like, oh, I know this person hurt you, but just stay open, stay loving. Stay open, stay loving, that's all she's always taught me. She was never perfect herself, but she just taught me that just love. You don't know what that person needs. So even when we never had it, bro, she would. I remember walking down the the store trying to find some like to eat. We had our little own little money. You know, we're gonna get our stuff. And then there was a homeless guy, you know, begging for money and mom was like no, well, I got you I'm like mom, we're on no money.
Speaker 3:What the hell are you talking? About you know she just gave it up for him. I'm like damn yeah she's like oh he'll lord will bless you for more. And mom's one of those persons, always like lucky, I guess. Whatever she goes through, like she's always I call it god's favorite, yeah yeah so I don't know bro just thanks to that, I just kept kept my faith.
Speaker 3:I guess if I had no faith I think I would I don't know bro, yeah, been down downhill, yeah, so that faith just fucking got me bro yeah, that's good, hell, yeah, fuck, yeah, that's good respect, good ass question. Fuck yeah, I have another, I have another, I have a fair amount when you play music.
Speaker 1:No, it is. It's fucking sick. I was testing it and we're talking about the lights, if you guys didn't notice, um, but I was testing it out because I was like what the heck is this setting? And I showed kyle's like wow, this is voice activated. Oh so it's like crazy. Oh yes, I hear that um, a lot, of, a lot of your lyrics carry a lot of pain and like anger sometimes. Um do you feel like music is healing you or is it giving you a sense of survival?
Speaker 3:both, bro, to be honest, both hell, yeah, both, both, especially because I like just throw my anger on there, you know, and I, I know everybody like I think it's more because of like eminem gotcha remember listening to his angry shit, angry shit, angry shit and their rocky relationship with his mom.
Speaker 1:Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, and it's just out there.
Speaker 3:You know he was just dropping it and shit. Yeah, you know, fuck, boom, boom, boom. So I like throwing the anger on there and mixing it a little bit with, like just making you feel dope. You know, everybody has some type of anger, some type of darkness. Most people are sad about it, depressed about it, but I'm like, no, bring it up and be like fuck it, I'm a beast.
Speaker 2:I'm a beast.
Speaker 3:What am I going to do with this pain? What am I going to do with this anger? You channel it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:And I'm like, oh, it's all shit. And then it just gave me survival, bro Gave me, and it felt like I never had a voice. For I remember, I remember, bro. Clearly it's a story I never told nobody.
Speaker 1:Oh man, it's a story I never told nobody.
Speaker 3:It's very J-Bertie exclusives For the broke boys.
Speaker 3:Yeah, Look bro, I remember sleeping at my uncle's. We were sleepover, you know when the families get together and shit, yeah. And then I was sleeping in the room the room he gave us the guest room and they were out there just drinking, having fun and talking, and I was in there just laying there and I was like, I don't know why, I was feeling some type of way and I was like how could I, I guess, talk in a way that they could hear me? You know, I don't know why I thought that I was just feeling some type of Some emotion.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah that I thought like how can I talk in a way where they can hear me? And I remember putting on a song, more of like a rap song I don't remember exactly which one, but it was like perfect, bro, what I was feeling. And then I think that's why I got into rapping as well. Perfect, like what I was feeling. And then I was like man, but they won't understand it, they're all spanish. I was like I'll be tight if I could just, like, I guess, plug the phone into me and then it'd come out through my mouth in spanish and shit yeah, and then be like oh wow, that's what he's feeling.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and the moment. But that's what I thought, I don't know. That's all I thought, bro, so I guess it got me to this point just feeling it.
Speaker 1:No, I get you and to, to have that feeling of it challenge, like you're trying to find ways for it to be like heard and being heard. Yeah, is so relatable because there is moments where I was just like I felt trapped.
Speaker 1:Yeah that I couldn't, I couldn't say anything. And then, obviously, growing up in a very toxic Hispanic household, how do you talk? How do you say anything like that? What do you say? You know, yeah, you go over there and you try to say your feelings. You get met up with some sort of oh yeah, you know, some sort of like why are you even thinking that I don't think of anything like that.
Speaker 3:Rob Markman. Yeah, and then me growing up it was more like protecting my mom. My dad was. You know, it's cool. Now he's my homie now. I'm like, bro, you can't be my dad, you're my homie, I guess.
Speaker 4:I'm like bro, I'm old now.
Speaker 3:So I'm like back in the day it was more of like protecting my mom. Yeah, you know, I remember one time he told me he's like okay, security okay, and I was like you think, okay, you know, like I have to be bro like it's your fault bro, what the hell.
Speaker 3:And I remember just the whole time, bro, like I had to be strong, brave, and like I think I was like 12 bro 13. So I I think I was like 12, bro 13. She was like, bro, you don't cry, my mom's already crying. Bro, you can't cry. You got to be strong.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:You got to protect her.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:So I think that's why I was like bro, I can't even talk. Bro, what the hell.
Speaker 1:I get you, bro, like I think that's why we have so much similarities, because I grew up with that same feeling of like I'm always going to be there for my mom and I was constantly put in between them, their relationships, and negatively. Yeah, you know, I remember vividly that if my dad was intoxicated and he was drunk and he was like you know, like.
Speaker 3:I'm fine and he would be driving and obviously I was a little kid and he would be drunk driving.
Speaker 1:And then when we get home my mom would be pressing me like ¿Te ha tomado? ¿cuánto estaba tomando? And then I had. It was like a game time decision. I can either lie and try to defend my dad, or I can tell the truth but then later get beat by my dad. Either way I was getting beat from one place or the other. So then if I would lie, my mom would fucking beat me. If I defended him, it was just a harsh back and forth being in the middle. That's crazy that's crazy.
Speaker 3:Yeah, luckily my dad never knew how to be a dad, I guess, so he would just do it, bro, just pull through all drunken shit. Yeah, obviously I'd already be on my mom's side and shit, but I would always give him a second chance, second chance. So it was the time I wanted to leave. I was like no, don't leave give him a second chance. He still fucked it up.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but still, I mean I'm always giving second chances, yeah and it's just crazy, like now the the relationship that I have with my dad, like obviously you know you're growing up and growing up in this toxic household and then eventually you know, as you get older, you you tend to see like fuck, like I get along with you now. Why didn't, why wasn't, why wasn't this energy like when I was a kid?
Speaker 3:oh fuck bro, just like thinking about that, think about all the possibilities that could have happened if, yeah, that wasn't like that exactly you know if you would have known how to be a dad yeah you would have known, or just pulled through and be like don't, let me go yeah, or be present or something, and it's's just like, and I get it.
Speaker 1:They grew up in a harsher environment, okay, but and they thought they were doing better now, but I feel like I feel personally, bro.
Speaker 3:Everybody gets to a fork in the road when they're like all right, I know I'm doing stupid shit. Do I change it or do I not? Do I acknowledge that I know I'm doing stupid shit and I keep doing stupid shit and I know it's doing? Stupid shit or do I just change it so I feel like me myself? I was at that point in the road at one time. I'm like bro, I could be like my dad and she'd be like I know it's stupid, I don't give a fuck, I'm gonna do it yeah why?
Speaker 3:because I grew up in a harsh environment. I don't give a fuck yeah but now that, since he didn't do it, bro, now it puts more responsibility on me for fucking, changing the fucking. Yeah to break that curse yeah, yeah, we got responsibilities to break curses because they didn't want to, because it's easier to drink and forget about your bottle, yeah, bottle up your emotions like no, bro, thanks to that, now I have to fucking.
Speaker 1:I have to learn a new way, bro, bro, thanks to that, I have to. I have to be a different version of myself and learn to be a better version, and I mean this with no disrespect, but I'm going to do everything possible to not end up like my father did. Oh, no, yeah, because I want to be present for my kids.
Speaker 1:I want to be an example for my kids. I don't want to be an abusive alcoholic. I don't ever want to be present for my kids. I want to be an example for my kids. I don't want to be an abusive alcoholic.
Speaker 3:I don't ever want to be in that sort of way it feels weird. Yeah, I remember when we first left, like my dad, because I remember we left, because I told my mom I'm like mom, let's go, and she just couldn't and I was like let's go. So we left. For that moment, bro, a whole ass year, right, even with him, even living with him, it felt weird. Looking at a, it just felt, I guess, non-real, non-existent, like it wasn't real bro, like seeing a father with his kid, whether it be just walking, holding hands. I remember one time I went to the beach it was just me and one of my sisters and I saw a little dad holding his, you know, little son. I was like I don't even look real, like is that real? Like is he faking it?
Speaker 1:yeah, so for a moment I was like damn, I was fucked up yeah, like shit yeah yeah, but man cheers to our self-growth and and getting out and breaking generational curses, bro, hell yeah.
Speaker 3:Oh man, this is a good one man.
Speaker 2:Hell yeah bro.
Speaker 1:So I got one more question about your song with Promethazine. You mentioned about numbing the pain with Promethazine. How do you personally navigate the line between coping and self-destruction, if that?
Speaker 3:ever presents itself.
Speaker 3:I think when I was first hurt you know the whole family stuff and then throwing a little heartbreak on it, that shit was just fucking Bro. My stomach was just twisting. I don't got my family right. My bitch broke up with me. I'm like fuck, what the fuck? I remember just sitting on the ground, bro, going through it, bro, I don't even know what a thing, bro, I felt like throwing up. But I couldn't throw up like damn, you're spinning, spinning. And I remember, even since it was a freshman year, I think that's when I first started, like, I guess, opening my eyes to how reality was, you know, like my dad being abusive alcoholic. And then I remember listening to a lot of lil wayne gucci man talk about a lot of lean syrup and yeah that's what we had right there on the counter Codeine, promethazine.
Speaker 3:I remember just going to school with it, boom, boom, down in it, down in it Even now, and then I'd be drinking every now and then, but now and then it's not for pain now, because I knew I was like bro, I can't do this for pain and nothing at all. Any drug I do, whether it be drinking any drug, bro, any drug. Don't do it because of pain, because then you're just going to be like next time you think about the pain you're going to do it again. Just go with it, go with it, go with it. But I did remember just going through it a lot until one time, bro, one time I did too much. One time I did too much I was laying on the ground. I'm not on the ground, I was laying on the bed. Yeah, just like this. And I hear my door open. Bro, literally where you are, my door would be like right there.
Speaker 2:Okay, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:A couple feet from you, right where your eyes closed, and then you hear the door open Like a squeak. You hear it open. You're just sleeping. You feel a walk bro.
Speaker 3:You feel and hear like a walk and then like to your ear, and then in my household they call me juanito and I hear a woman's voice go, juanito. Oh bro, I got up so fast and my door was closed. I'm getting chills, bro. My door was closed and then I was like I didn't drink that shit no more. Like for pain, like just drowning, and no, it's the last time I ever did anything for. And then I was like I didn't drink that shit, no more. Like for pain, like just drowning in it. It's the last time I ever did anything for pain. For pain. I was like I'm going to deal with it. I dealt with it, bro, I dealt with it. I dealt with it, bro, I dealt with it. Yeah, so nowadays any drug I do is more like recreational. I'm having a good time yeah never do it for pain.
Speaker 3:That should fuck you up. Yeah, but I think that's a warning. It's like, bro, you do it too much, you're gonna die bro, that shit was trippy, yeah, but yeah, that's why I like doing it on there too, because I know it's like um part of, I guess, what I grew up through, grew up to like lil wayne um future talk about a lot of that use, and I mean I use it as well for listening to that, because I thought I'm gonna it, bro, like my pain right now, but it was like part of, I guess, my own culture.
Speaker 3:My own culture because I remember I would tell nobody, I would hide in a little thing. So before people would walk around and like before I even walked around the cup, it was just like I would hide it bro yeah, hide it, hide it.
Speaker 3:That's why I tried yeah that's why I try to hide, like do every now and then. So right now, it's just more liquor right now. Lately, liquor, liquor, liquor. Every now and then, every now and then. Still gotta take care of your body, bro I'm trying to live. I'm trying to live that's good, man.
Speaker 1:If there is a way, like you know, to to meet up with your younger self, what's an advice that you would tell yourself? Stay strong, knowing that you were going through so much pain, stay strong bro, stay strong.
Speaker 3:You can't tell them to change nothing, because that would change what I'm doing now. Yeah, I would just be like, bro, you're gonna go through hell, bro, and stay strong stay strong.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and you're much, you're so wise you're, you give good advice and you've gone through so much bro, and that's try bro look bro, just growing up, I never knew shit.
Speaker 3:Bro like yeah, they didn't want to teach me shit. Bro, like nothing at all. Like nothing at all it's weird. So that's why I was like I guess I gotta learn myself. So everything I, everything I go through, I try to take it in, take it in and learn. Learn from whether it be my mistakes, you know. Know, now that we're talking, learn from your mistakes. This and that, this and that.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Just life bro.
Speaker 1:That's just how it is. Learn how to play life, yeah.
Speaker 3:I lived around a lot of failures in my whole life.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think knowing that failure is the best teacher of life, you learn to deal with a lot of things, no matter what.
Speaker 3:Yeah, just the other day I was thinking that same thing, yeah, no matter what. Yeah, it's just the other day I was thinking that same thing, yeah, and then I was like, well, if I really needed somebody I guess successful who can I go to? Like fuck, I don't have nobody. I'm like what? Like in my family, you know, yeah, I'm doing deal and shit.
Speaker 3:You know like, yeah I have deals I'll be doing like yard work and shit. I'm like I asked him like why don't you ever start your own business? No, I don't care bro. Yeah, you're no help bro. I'm like all right, just harder.
Speaker 1:I guess like starting from first generation, yeah, with people broken, yeah and, and I think I think, with all the life experiences that you've gone through, when you have kids and you're ready to bring on your future generation, oh yeah, you're gonna have so much wisdom and so much guidance and you're gonna be like hey, I'm not gonna be the same person that my dad was, I'm gonna be a different version.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's gonna feel good, huh yeah. So I'm not ready right now, but imagine a couple years. You know both.
Speaker 1:You know we both keep going and shake you going to keep going, but once we're ready, bro and bro and then you're gonna look back and you'll be like, wow, that's where I was at. Yeah years back. We'll do it, bro. It'll be fun. Yeah, for sure that's why I love I love doing this.
Speaker 1:This is another like little high, because you look back at the other episodes and you look back and you're just like fuck, I was a different person back then yeah, look at look at the growth that I'm at now not just for us too.
Speaker 3:Before you know you guys listeners, yeah, I get to see us now and then, like you said, a couple years now and later, they're like wow, yeah, not just us, but them like, if they see us change, like, oh well, me too.
Speaker 1:Yeah they're also progressing in their lives.
Speaker 3:Progress, do it uh, yeah respect, respect for sure no thank you, bro, respect you and um no I got your people from you and your fans, your people, your audience. Thank you, guys, for giving me this platform, this voice. Thank you for giving me the ear. You guys I don't know what to say. You guys are the best man. Hopefully me and marvin can get together and do something for you guys, like give away or something bro.
Speaker 1:Yeah, for sure, we'll definitely think about something.
Speaker 3:We'll think about something, We'll do something for them bro.
Speaker 1:For sure, for sure.
Speaker 3:I remember last time you did something for them, but this time again, bro. Yeah, I want to do something big, We'll do it bro We'll do it, man.
Speaker 1:Is there anything else that you want to give? Any advice, or any self-love or prep?
Speaker 3:talk that you want to give to these people motivation. Just want to tell you guys to keep going, man, like I would tell myself, like you said my younger self, just stay strong. Whatever you're going through, stay strong. You don't know what you're going to go through, so stay strong, yeah, but either way, just keep evolving. Like martin said, as long as you're evolving, you'll be fine. Learn from life, you'll be fine. Fuck yeah, just say, bro, you'll be fine, you'll be okay. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Keep learning.
Speaker 3:Evolving, you'll be fine. If you don't move, you're going to dry out. You know. Think about it as a plant you don't want to dry out.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you have to go through rainy days To see the sunshine.
Speaker 4:That gave me goosebumps. I'm fucking eating.
Speaker 1:That's a good one. I like that Well. Thank you guys For tuning in To another episode. Thank you, jay Verde, for coming out here. Thank you guys, thank you guys Always love you, man, and I appreciate you Coming in here and being so open and so vulnerable.
Speaker 4:Likewise, bro. Go ahead and plug in your socials.
Speaker 1:I'ma go ahead and tag all his stuff in in the description hell yeah, jay verde, on everything at the real.
Speaker 3:Jay verde, keep listening, stay tuned, I'm gonna try to do a lot of good for y'all. Real deep and keep listening to martin man. I'm telling you, if you guys want to evolve, change this, your man no lie.
Speaker 1:Thank you bro. I appreciate you much. Love guys. Remember? He catch broke boys on all platforms. Hell yeah, broke boys from fresno. You can go ahead and follow us on our socials, on instagram and on tiktok at broke boys underscore ff yes, sir, and vlogs every tuesday. Thank you, guys. We love you much. Love, take care peace.
