Broke Boyz From Fresno
Hey everyone it's Martin from the Broke Boyz From Fresno Podcast, my goal here is to entertain, inspire, and uplift our community. I'm all about keeping it real, sharing my daily struggles, and motivating others who might be going through the same. Join me as we navigates life’s challenges, supports one another, and builds a stronger, more connected community together.
Broke Boyz From Fresno
Breaking Generational Curses: A Journey of Self-Rediscovery
What happens when we lose our sense of purpose? In this deeply personal conversation, Martin sits down with his friend Rockstar Turtle (Ivan) who opens up about his ongoing journey of self-discovery, breaking harmful cycles, and finding himself again after feeling burnt out and lost.
The raw vulnerability on display is powerful as Ivan shares his experiences breaking free from porn addiction, discovering the healing power of journaling, and learning to overcome generational patterns—particularly within Hispanic culture where mental health struggles are often dismissed with phrases like "just get over it." Their honest dialogue about therapy challenges the stigma many men face when seeking help, acknowledging their own past resistance while recognizing how valuable professional support can be for mental wellbeing.
What makes this conversation so relatable is how it balances the heaviness of personal struggles with practical steps toward growth. Ivan details how meditation, breathing techniques, physical exercise, and an upcoming social media detox have become essential tools in his journey. His determination to become more confident in his words, to let his actions speak louder than talk, and to rediscover his artistic passion resonates with anyone who's ever felt stuck or disconnected from their purpose.
The friendship between these two men provides a beautiful backdrop to this conversation, demonstrating how crucial supportive relationships are when navigating life's challenges. As Ivan prepares for a month of intentional self-work and reflection, his vulnerability serves as permission for listeners to examine their own lives and consider where they might need to press reset.
Need support with your mental health? Remember that seeking help is an act of courage, not weakness. Take that deep breath, reach out to someone you trust, and know that growth—though challenging—brings the freedom to become who you're truly meant to be.
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Intro Music by Rockstar Turtle- Broke Boyz (999)
Christmas Intro Song by Nico
Welcome back to another episode of the Broke Boys. I'm Martin and today I have a special guest my boy, Rockstar Turtle. Me.
Speaker 1:It's good to have you back, ivan, bro. Thank you, man. I know this is going to be a very deep episode and you've been wanting to talk about this and, sitting here and listening to you talk about it, I feel for you, bro. I'm I'm excited to to talk about this topic with you, bro yeah, so thank you bro, before we can, before we continue it, we're gonna go ahead and roll the intro you ready we them broke boys from the hood.
Speaker 4:We on them, issues understood won't catch us lacking we that good, we'll see you next time together. Like we signed, we shooting stars, one of a kind we undefeated, just resigned. Money more lower than a piece now welcome back.
Speaker 1:Uh. So, ivan, I know we've we've sat here and we talked about everything that's been going on with life and and you know what thank you, thank you for sharing, thank you for for really taking the time of day, uh, to come through and and to tell me this stuff. This is very deep, this is hard, yeah, and I'm sorry for what you're going through and I feel for you, brother, and I'm always gonna be here for you, yeah, so, um, whenever you're ready, whenever you feel comfortable, you let me know thank you, brother.
Speaker 3:Thank you, man. I appreciate that a lot, you know, and I do want to let you know that you know I, you are one of those people that I can, you know, really talk to and, you know, come to when things get hard.
Speaker 1:I'm glad. I'm glad that you allow me to be a part of that. You know this is. These are life's stuff that we go through and we're still learning and I, I I'm grateful to be here and to be here with you and just know that you're not alone, bro thank you, bro.
Speaker 3:Thank you, man, appreciate that, and I'm always here for you, man.
Speaker 1:I appreciate that, bro, because you've been. You've been there at some of my low points in my life. So Because you've been there at some of my low points in my life, so I'm always going to be in debt with you, bro, for sure.
Speaker 3:Yeah, all right, man. Well, on today's episode I wanted to talk about growth Because the last two months have been really hard for me, right as in, like breaking habits, just rewiring the brain, just learning new shit, just breaking that, I don't know. I guess I would say that generational curse yeah, yeah I guess. Just I don't want to continue being the same person every year, and that's what I have tried to do these last two months to become a better person. And yeah, man.
Speaker 1:I feel. What habits have you broken and reshaped yourself from?
Speaker 3:So the first one I would say would be learning how to rewire my brain from porn addiction. Porn addiction, now, as a kid, you know I would do that shit all the time. You know I ain't going to lie bro. I'm like bah, bah, bah, bah bah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's on the phone. It's accessible yeah.
Speaker 3:But it was like that shit was a dopamine, you know, like it was just it made me? Yeah, it made me, yeah, and basically throughout this month and last is that I don't need porn because it's just a waste of time. Literally, it's a waste of time, bro, like, and what I've learned is that when you don't watch porn, bro, you Save all this energy that's inside of you. Okay, and when I've been doing that For the Last couple months, last year and now- yeah.
Speaker 3:I feel so much Different, like last year and and now, yeah, I feel so much different, like I started learning about myself more and just learning how my body works. Yeah, because you know, there were times where I would, you know, have a stressful day, or maybe I'm bored too and I'll just go on my phone and fucking, just you know, just do it yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I'll just do it, but not doing it feels really good, man, like it feels good, like I feel whole. I feel whole as a person and that's one of the habits that I had to really tap into and break through.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know yeah, I can only imagine like maybe that's a problem with now, with the new, newer generation too oh yeah with the phone being so accessible, you know, and that you know what man like props to you to admitting that you had a problem, because there's people out here that probably do it without even you know, unconsciously, and still doing it, you know, like they just find it as part of their lifestyle. Yeah. And, admitting that it's a problem, it's a huge growth for you, bro, yeah, for you bro, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:And luckily, I knew this was a problem last year and I was like I need to do something about it, because if I keep continuing this, bro, like bruh, I don't want my dick to fall out, bro, swear to god, right like I legit, don't bruh yeah not gonna lie, but what helped me through this journey as well is journaling journaling, yeah, yeah for those that don't do it. I you recommend.
Speaker 1:I would recommend doing it instead of coming on paper, you're writing on paper.
Speaker 4:Yeah, yeah, yeah there you go there, you go there, you go there you go. That's respectable.
Speaker 3:Yes sir, journaling, bro, that does so much. That does so much for you, bro. Just spend 10, 15 minutes writing down your thoughts, your demons, your good times, your bad times, just anything, and that helps you clear your mind a little bit. Yeah. And I have been doing that for the last couple of months, on and off. Okay.
Speaker 3:You know, because life is busy sometimes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But when I do that, shit works Like I just I've been. I have traumas that you know I need to overcome. I have abandonment issues. I got, like you know, just uh shit that I need to work on yeah and me. Journaling about them helps me want to grow. Yeah, because these are things that I know need to change yeah and when I write them down.
Speaker 3:I don't know if other people are like this, but when you write something down, I feel like you remember it more, like it just clicks to you like yeah, yeah, yeah absolutely no, it does it's.
Speaker 1:It's something with, like you know, you physically writing it down and looking at the paper, or you, you know you're, instead of on the phone. On the phone we scroll through it pretty often, so now the phone feels super, uh, disingenuine. Yeah, you know, um, and we disassociate a lot of things when we put things down on our phone, like we just you know yeah it's more you know you'll have.
Speaker 1:You'll have better muscle memory when you're writing it down yeah, so no, I get you, bro and like to open up about like stuff like that that are deep, bro, and journaling, like I have I've heard it before too, and I used to like growing up, I used to like not despise, despise of, like you know, uh, stuff about like self-health and, like you know, journaling, or going to therapy, like I used to. You know, in the hispanic culture, in the hispanic community, it's just like, no, that shit doesn't exist or that that's all bullshit. You know, yeah and um, anxiety ain't real or anything like that. And growing up in that environment, you know we're used to those things of of it being like, well, I mean, I don't know why I'm feeling like this, but I guess it is what it is.
Speaker 3:You know like whatever, oh dude, that used to happen a lot as a kid, and you know as in the mexican they'll just be like, just get over it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Just get over it or they'll throw that commonality of. Well, I crossed the border to get over here and look how I am.
Speaker 3:And then now you got to tough it up because you're like, damn, they went through this, yeah, and it's just like I can't complain about all the shit that's happening in that school you know, but they won't.
Speaker 1:They won't realize. Like I can't put myself in my dad's shoes, you know, I can't. I can't imagine how it was for him to being at 13 years old, you know, coming here to the States trying to figure that out yeah, trying to figure his whole life out and but you see their character flaws now, as an adult, like you got to see. Like, well, he has problem with alcohol, or he was such an abusive alcoholic or he was just so abusive and he wasn't even there half the time because he was constantly just working. I mean, there's a lot of stuff that happens and you have to learn to break those cycles and break those habits and I'm grateful that I was able to not follow the path.
Speaker 1:I love my dad. My dad is always going to be a role model to me because of his worth, ethic and his persona, and that's what I look forward to being. Those are my examples of like. Okay, you know what I'm going to be headstrong about that. And those are my examples of like. Okay, you know what I'm being headstrong about that. But some of the bad habits that I had to break, like the generational curses that I had to break, was not falling into being an alcoholic, not falling into being so aggressive. And, like you know, I do have a lot of anger issues and a lot of anger built up, but I also don't lash it out on everybody around me. You know I have control, like having self-control over a lot of things, a lot of your emotions, and I know my dad doesn't do that, like he has no self-control. He has no like I get that. And therapy is important. If you haven't thought about it, definitely do it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm in this, I've always been in this in between, just because of how I grew up with them, not believing therapy, and and I've, and I've made it this far without having to go to therapy- yeah right, but things just get bad and they get worse, and then you don't find things or you can't find ways to cope with the issues, or or you're just dealing with so much like back and forth, and and then it gets to the point where it's just like maybe I should seek for help yeah and if it does, bro, like you, should take advantage of that, of that bro, and definitely be like you know what I'm looking to it and finding somebody because it's important.
Speaker 1:Talking to cap, she really opened up to me about therapy and, like I used to be, I used to say, like I'm not, I don't need therapy. Like I did.
Speaker 3:I was the same way. I was like therapy, like bro, like I can just fucking.
Speaker 1:I can just suck it up and I'll be good, bro, I'll be good, yeah, and then I I come on here and I I tell, like you know, people about opening up about my depression and opening up about my anxiety and just being open, yeah, and like a lot of people love that and even I had, um, for example, chango. Chango was just like that's it really important, bro, because like I, I go to therapy and like this is what I and he, like you know, told me, uh, the good things about therapy and like the breakthroughs that you go through and all this stuff, he really like inspired me to go. But I don't know, like just one side wants to go and then the other is just like I don't know.
Speaker 3:You're still on the fence about it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't know, and that's just the environment that I grew up in. Yeah, but I'm always going to be the one to preach. Like, if you need help, get it. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Go to therapy for sure, and therapy is going to help you guide yourself into a better path than what you can do on your own. They got the tools, they got the expertise, and I get it. It might be uncomfortable, but going to therapy and opening up yourself to that could better your life and could better give you more coping mechanisms or even finding ways and solutions to your problems. Yeah. That you would have never thought or imagined that could happen.
Speaker 3:And once you start going down that path, you're just going to break cycles every time and just feel more free. Yeah, you're not carrying that burden, you're not carrying like all that anxiety, all that stress anymore. You're legit finding ways to become better. Yeah, and yeah, dude, I I thought about going to therapy because I'm like there's so much that I I feel like I need to talk about, yeah, but I don't know how yeah like, how do I start?
Speaker 3:and then I have a few friends tell me you know therapy, you know they'll sit down with you and you know yeah hear you out, they'll recommend stuff and yeah and it's important to go to therapy and just be like you know, telling them the truth and opening up yourself and really honest with yourself.
Speaker 1:Yeah because there's only so much that you can tell your friends, your partner, anybody you know, family to like I'll never open up about myself to my family at all. The only way that they know if there's issues or anything like that is through the platform. Yeah, yeah, right. So even if I were to go to them and ask them for advice or tell them like hey, I'm going through this, like they get shocked because it's just like I don't ever talk about anything you know. So it's important just to being honest and just letting yourself. If you need that extra hand or that extra help doing it, do it. I strongly encourage it.
Speaker 1:I've been thinking about it more recently Before I. I remember as a kid growing up, I always had anxiety attacks or panic attacks. Like I used to have them pretty frequently growing up and then they stopped when I got to high school and then they started happening all over again now, wow, and I've been spiraling a lot more frequently than before. So, like I said, therapy has been on my mind recently a lot more, just because I don't open up no more. Like I don't have anybody to really open up to, I don't have none. Like it's hard to open it up to personal friends and personal family members about certain situations.
Speaker 1:So I just bottle everything up and uh, and I know therapy will be good for me and and I'm just finding a way to accept it and I'm not sure I'm still in this in between, like I said, it's just. I feel like it's just this hispanic thing that we grew up in, you know, and it's hard. It took me a lot of like learning experiences and a lot of things that I've gone through to get to the person that I am now yeah um, I'm proud of the person that I am now.
Speaker 1:I'm proud of everything that I've done and everything I've accomplished, and all the things that I'm going to accomplish. I know that I'm going to accomplish. Like I know, at the end of this dark tunnel, there's always going to be light.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, of course, bro.
Speaker 1:And I'm not. I can't sit here and dwell on all the bad things. I have to find ways to get out. I have to find ways to make sure everything's all good and set in stone and give everybody the life that they all deserve. You know my family. That's beautiful, man. What are the things that you've found within yourself during your self-healing and your self-love journey?
Speaker 3:journey right now to be more confident in my words. You know the things you say. I used to say shit and not think about it, you know, and the words that I would speak do have like an effect. Yeah. And I didn't, I knew that, but I, you know, I was just like eh, like I don't really care, but like now I'm, I choose my words wisely. Yeah.
Speaker 3:And I want to like carry myself well enough, where people will be like, damn, this dude knows what he's talking about. Yeah, and that's something that I've been trying to learn as I go. You know, but just be confident in what I say and do, yeah, like don't second guess it, but like just do it, just do it, because I've been lagging so much and I tell myself, oh, I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do that. I don't do it. Yeah, I made it a goal to not say anything unless you're gonna do it, and that just that actually came up. That was like a couple weeks ago actually. I thought about that. I was like you have to be confident in what you say and you know people that care about me, you know I don't want to say the wrong things and you know yeah, I don't want to misguide them that I'm in a bad place just because I'm saying some dumb shit. Yeah, but I'm just in a place where, anywhere I go, I want to be confident, you know. Yeah.
Speaker 3:I want to be confident I also. I try to do this every day, but I meditate, Okay, I meditate, and at first it was weird because you know you're closing your eyes. Yeah, yeah, I mean, without the hum, I'm not doing the hum.
Speaker 1:I just think that's how meditation works. But that's. I have heard that meditation is like a sense of peace.
Speaker 3:Yeah, dude.
Speaker 1:It re-centers your chakra.
Speaker 3:It calms your mind because you have so many thoughts going in your head and I meditate. I try to meditate at least for 15 minutes. I haven't done it for 30 yet. You have so many thoughts going in your head and I meditate. I try to meditate at least for 15 minutes. I haven't done it for 30 yet, but 15 minutes feels like a long time bro. Because it's just you see nothing but pitch black. It's just you and your thoughts at that point. Yeah.
Speaker 3:And whatever you don't want to think about, about you're going to think about when you meditate, and that's what I've been trying to do every day just meditate beautiful bro just just kind of you know what things can I do better that I didn't do yesterday yeah better. I want to wake up every day, happy, calm. I want to.
Speaker 1:You want to be in peace.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I want to be in peace and I also pray too. This is like my routine. When I wake up, I stretch, I try to stretch, because I don't stretch for shit. When I wake up, I stretch, I try to stretch, because I don't stretch for shit. I don't either, bro Bro my fucking back hurts, my fucking arms hurt.
Speaker 3:I'm like damn Fuck I just sit down by the bed or on my knees and I just pray, I pray, I pray, I pray, and then either I meditate after or I meditate at the gym, in the sauna. I feel nothing but heat, but I'm still trying to, like you know, just meditate through the heat yeah yeah, and I've also. What is it been learning about? Breathing techniques? Okay, I guess you know control your breathing. When I control my breathing, I just feel more calmer, I feel more sharp like I just I don't, I don't get anxiety.
Speaker 3:I just kind of I just take that one big deep breath and I'm like all right, it's gonna be okay man, you know just you know, just just push through it you're good man, you're good and then, yeah, that's, that's my routine, and then, whatever I, I let the day go, you know, I let the day play, and then, at the end of the day, I write down in my journal what I did, what I thought about and what I want to improve on. And some days are good, some days are bad, but it really helps me, like it helps me see that vision more clearly.
Speaker 1:Yeah, as long as you write it down, see that vision more clearly. Yeah, as long as you write it down. And the good thing is you write down and you put your feelings down on paper and you really self-express yourself.
Speaker 3:And I've also made it. Well, you know, I have my days low-key, where you know I try to eat good, you know whatever. But like I went to, like I made it, I told myself on March, Okay, here we go On March. Okay. On March, I'm going to cut out social media. Mm-hmm. And go to the gym. Okay.
Speaker 3:Make it a regular habit, because it has been. But you know, you know, I just like I, I need to get better sleep, I need to work on my sleep, I need to just plan my day out more, more wiser, and, and lately I've been catching myself, brain rotting in my bed, on the couch, or even in the car, you know, and just scrolling, scrolling, scrolling, and I could be doing so much during that time. Yeah, but I just caught myself. I'm like damn dude, like I legit just be, I just be scrolling, you know, wasting time and do you feel like you lost your your sense of purpose?
Speaker 3:yes, yeah, because I was just so comfortable, bro, I I wanted to stay where I was at. It felt so easy. You know, like, like I'm working, I'm making money, I deserve to take a break and just chill. Yeah, but the other side of me, the artist, you know, like bro. Like bro, instead of scrolling, you could be making vlogs, you can be writing music, you can be doing stuff that helps you.
Speaker 1:You know, as an artist, and you, feel this pressure of of like you need to be doing something and you want to do something, but then you're just like yeah you're comfortable. Yeah, you don't want to move, you're just yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and that's what I just found myself in and that's why I said March, I want to. I have already I cut out all social media and I'm going to use my time wisely to really grow and Like re-evaluate yourself, reset, reset.
Speaker 1:Like re-evaluate yourself, reset, reset.
Speaker 3:I want to reset and just do the things that I love and be passionate again, and just you know.
Speaker 1:Find everything all coming back.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I get you, I get you.
Speaker 1:Sometimes you have to go through those moments where you lose not faith, but you lose like almost like, in that sense of like you don't feel nothing's good enough, you don't feel like you know, and then you feel like it's too much, and then you know, and sometimes you feel like you need that break, you need that. Let me take, let me pause real quick you know, yeah, and that's okay.
Speaker 1:I feel like that's normal. So that way you don't get burnt out. That way you don't lose a passion for what you want and you just have to remind yourself like, who am I doing it for, why am I doing this for? And when you remind yourself, you have to act like you know what I can't give up.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah you're right, and if you're going to take a month off, take it. I've done that before, where I took a whole month off, but when you come back it's like okay, back in. Lock the fuck in.
Speaker 1:Let's get this shit done. You know, and I think during this time that you take this break from now this is what I have done is during this re-evaluation, or re-establishing who you want to be and who you are, is really soaking in the piece of like. Okay, why? Why am I doing this? For what's my purpose? Why did I take this break? Because you can't just take the break just because you get stressed out or life gets hard and all that you know there has to be a point of like reminding yourself okay then, why am I taking this break?
Speaker 1:Am I benefiting from it? Am I second-guessing my whole life? Am I losing my purpose life? Am I losing my purpose? Sit there and really like talk to yourself and finding, like you know what. This is who I'm, this is who I am, and I'm gonna stand by it yeah and boom. You know finding your purpose, what you want to do and that.
Speaker 3:and that goes back to what I said when I said confident. I want to be confident in my purpose and that's something that I've been wanting to like figure out lately and even though I see it, it's still far away. So I want to work as much as I can, I want to love myself as much as I can to really really find that purpose as much as I can.
Speaker 3:yeah, to really really find that purpose, because, like you said, you know I can't just be taking a break just because you know I'm tired and shit, yeah, no, no, but like there needs to be a purpose yeah, there needs to be a purpose, bro, and that's something that I still got to figure out, but lately, bro, and it's only been like what? It's the 2nd of March or 1st, it's the 2nd. 2nd. Yeah, today's the 2nd of March Because I already, like, I prepared myself, like the last week into the 2nd to the last week, or is that how you say it?
Speaker 1:The 2nd to last week. Or the last week.
Speaker 3:Yeah, like last week.
Speaker 1:Oh, okay, and the 2 second to last.
Speaker 3:It was in my head, Like you know, March. Maybe I should reset, you know, but I was still like iffy.
Speaker 1:Yeah, during February is when you were thinking about it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, and then the last week of February, I was like you know what, like you've been doing really good. You know, like at the gym you've been dedicated to like learning stuff about yourself and you've been doing really good. Yeah. So maybe in March you can just dedicate that whole month to like really, really, really focus.
Speaker 1:Finding who you are? Yeah, gotcha.
Speaker 3:And that's what I want to do. Yeah. Find myself. Yeah.
Speaker 1:I'm rockstar turtle, I'm ivan, but there's so much more that I can you know yeah that I, that I want to find yeah, you have to find your purpose all over again, bro. No, and I, and I've known you for years, so, like I, like I told you earlier, is like I know who you are, you know, so I can sense your energy and I can sense your aura and I know who you are and I know that this isn't you. You know the quiet, you know. Yeah. The lost, the burnt out.
Speaker 4:Yeah, that's what it feels.
Speaker 1:That's what it feels like and there's more to you and you always show up with 110% of energy. Yeah, no matter what, you know, we did photo shoots together. I mean, we went with Lavish and we did all that shit too. We went to Antioch to record a fucking song dude, we traveled together and just I know the energy.
Speaker 3:Also passionate, bro.
Speaker 1:That fire would not stop fucking blazing, bro, it was just that was like peak right there for you because you were just content here, content there, active on social media, on all of them, and just you. That was your peak of like, okay, this is working. And then just boom, yeah, now the plane has landed, yeah, and it's just like, oh, we gotta get, we gotta get you that plane back up yeah you know, and I'm glad that you came here and I'm glad that you opened up to me about it.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Because, if. I'm saying this from me, from my experience. If I had somebody that I can rely on and be with, like throughout everything that went on in my life, I wish I did have somebody. I wish. I had somebody that gave me that extra boost and stuff like that. But that's not just how. That's not how I'm built. Yeah.
Speaker 1:You know I'm built with like no, you know what I got to do it on my own and reconstruct myself on my own and do this all over again, you know. So for you to come to me and talk about these things, like hey, man, man, like I'm very appreciative of it, bro, and and we're gonna work through it together, I'm gonna be with you, I'm gonna help you out like this isn't. You're not by yourself. And if, if, uh, jay verde was here, jay verde would tell you the same thing yeah that's your boy, that's your brother, right there.
Speaker 1:He will always be there for you and same here for me. I'll always be there for you, bro yeah through.
Speaker 3:We've been together through our ups and our downs, at the highest points of our lives to the fucking lowest point of our lives bro, we've been through it all and I will say that we always come back yeah we always figure it out and that's what excites me, bro, like I used to like I don't want to say I'm, I've been numb, but like I just didn't like that, like sensation wasn't, like you know yeah, I don't know, like it wasn't there, like nothing excited me yeah, yeah but like now really working on myself, like it's just exciting to like really you know yeah really it's exciting to think about what I can do now, yeah, and what I can reach, because, like every day, bro, I wake up and I'm like all right, you know, like it's time to go to the gym and fucking get back at it just get back at it, bro.
Speaker 3:Like I love the gym, I love working out and I've been running as well, and I have my days where I don't run and I do. But running, you know, pumps my heart, bro, and I'm like, oh shit, you know.
Speaker 4:Yeah, it feels, good.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it feels good. And then I start doing the things that I love now. And then now I think about like, okay, like now that I cut out social media, I can write music, I can spend all this time listening to beats bro, I can freestyle in my room alone and you know just kind of just get that ball rolling and just be excited to like. You know just.
Speaker 1:Yeah, definitely, take this time to, to find yourself again and reevaluate, like finding that, finding that passion, finding that fire all over again. Yeah, how have you been mentally, mentally, lately?
Speaker 3:I've been good. Now there's a few things that you know that have bumps. There have been bumps throughout this journey and I won't say what they are yeah but if for sure was something to think about and really you know, evaluate and look into, because I just gotta I don't know, man, it's just you're in this in between yeah, I know I know, I know exactly what you're what you're talking about.
Speaker 1:I've been there before in this in between, where you feel, where you say that you're good mentally but you really like are at a down yeah and it's from this one cause and that's okay.
Speaker 1:Yeah, um, I think you need to put your happiness first and finding what you, which you're passionate about again, and and finding yourself and putting your really sitting there and putting myself first. Yes, putting yourself first putting your feelings first and not allowing other people to justify or or their opinions dictate what you want in your life. One thing that I know is that there's always going to be opinions about you and you just cannot allow other people to like they can say whatever the fuck they want about you. Yeah.
Speaker 1:But your actions speak louder than what the fuck they're saying yeah, and don't allow that.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, bro. Oh my God, that is another thing. Oh my God, yeah, that's another thing. Less talking, let your actions show it. Yeah. Because, at the end of the day, like you said, they can talk, talk, talk. Yeah. But if your actions show it, you're not going gonna have a problem. You're just gonna like just brush it off and be like it's whatever yeah, like I'm telling you, their opinions do not matter.
Speaker 1:What they say about you does not matter. It's what you do, it what you do after the fact yeah but don't allow that. Don't allow that to dictate who you are. None of their opinions don't fucking matter. It's what you want to do in your life. This is your life. You live it the way that you want. There's gonna be haters, there's gonna be people that will talk shit and say one thing, but your actions will show another.
Speaker 3:Oh for sure, bro, guarantee for sure and that's something that I've been really trying to understand, you know yeah like you can't just talk the talk, bro. You gotta really you know, you gotta really be about it. No, you gotta be about it because that's it and and that's, and that goes back to like me saying I want to be confident yeah like I'm I'm gonna do what I want to do, yeah, and I'm gonna speak about it yeah because I I put action to it exactly and I'm like all right yeah and that's what I'm going to do this whole like month.
Speaker 1:Yeah, just fucking do shit. Finding it, bro, do it, do it, absolutely do it, man Like. Stand on it, stand on your business, stand on your tentoes, bro. Yeah, and I do this by myself. So even when I told you about the vlogging like I was so confused I don't know what the fuck I'm doing half the time I still I still did it, I still fucking posted a video, I still made the vlog about it and I still figured it out yeah same thing with my platform.
Speaker 1:Like I've always said, manifested manifestation always works. I manifested that one day I was going to be number one in Fresno. Fucking worked. Yeah, came true, came to light. Now Broke Boys is listened to in 16 different countries. Oh yeah, 16 different countries, oh yeah, and that's just from one person putting in 100% of the effort. Yeah, that just shows like, hey, man, anybody can do this. You have to find what your purpose is. You have to find your drive yeah, and you can't give up on it oh no, sir, see even this conversation.
Speaker 3:But just see this, it amps me up like it gets me excited bro yeah, like damn dude like I'm ready to fucking take, take over the world bro, like that's what I want to do.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and you're going to oh yeah, say that right now you're going to. I'm going to, bro, I'm going to and then don't, don't dwell on bullshit, bro, don't let. Don't let that shit just marinate and hurt you and damage you, like people can say these nasty things about you, but don't give up on yourself. You know who you are as a person. Don't allow anybody else to dictate that you are you.
Speaker 3:Yeah, period. All I know is that this month is just going to be nothing but endless opportunities for me to just grow and Find value reevaluate yourself.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, Absolutely, bro. And you know what man I'm grateful to be a part of the journey yeah and I know, and I know you're gonna get out of it. I know that there's always gonna be a light at the end of this dark tunnel. So don't give up on yourself, don't quit.
Speaker 3:Do what you gotta do and then, when, when it's time to come back, boom, come back with full 120, give it your 100, yeah, and I'm gonna have days where you know they're gonna be the worst of the worst, and I'm gonna have days where you know I'm like on top of a million I'm like damn, I feel so fucking good. I'm gonna keep pushing, bro. I'm gonna keep pushing, it's gonna just it's gonna be a new me, yeah's going to be a new me.
Speaker 3:It's going to be a new me man. I can't wait. I cannot wait to see who this is at the end of the month.
Speaker 1:I can't wait. I can't wait to see it. I can't wait to see who you become and get yourself back into your mode. It's going to come out bro. Yeah so don't lose yourself. Oh no.
Speaker 3:I want to love myself more. I want to dress, you know, I want to dress fashionably. I want to fucking dye my hair.
Speaker 4:I just want to do, you know just do shit that I want to do.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, yeah, I just want to show out. Yeah, yeah, I want to show out, bro, I want to show, yeah, yeah, I just want to show out. Yeah, I want to show out, bro, I want to show, and that's what I'm gonna do. That's what I'm gonna do. Oh man, this was good, I swear. It does feel good, bro. It does feel fucking good, man, I'm glad, bro, I'm glad.
Speaker 1:And then, and you know what, bro? I hope this inspires other people too oh and I hope that you touch other people into knowing that, hey, like I go through a lot and you're, and you're still dealing with so much and you're gonna take a little break. And there's nothing wrong with taking a break as long as you come back better than ever yeah, being on this podcast motivates me.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it motivates me. Man, I appreciate that motivates me. You do. You have done so much in what like two, three years, or what two years, two years yeah and I've seen you from the beginning till now and hearing every podcast. Bro, I'm like damn like my boy's strong. He, he's strong right now yeah and that just motivates me to do better. I'm like dude if this fool can record a podcast. What is it like every week?
Speaker 3:yeah yeah, like just thinking about that, I'm like bro, like that's, that's motivating man, like that's like, and it gets hard.
Speaker 1:I oh you, you've seen it. You've seen it, bro. And it gets hard and I work full time and I'm consumed with so much projects and so much family events. It gets exhausting for me to find some time.
Speaker 1:I'm passionate for it and that's what I find. My purpose is that I find so much passion into doing my podcast and I'm grateful to be where I'm at and I'm grateful that I have my people, my fans, my listeners, my supporters, everybody and to have special guests like you, special guests like DJ Real, j Verde have family, my family, coming on and being a part of it as well, like you guys are all my family.
Speaker 1:Like you guys come on here and you guys, family as well, open up and and be vulnerable, like that takes a lot, yeah, and for for us to talk about life like later on, we're gonna, we're gonna listen to these episodes and and be like wow, dude, we, we came from from a fucking long fucking way oh yeah, we came far, you know, have you ever?
Speaker 3:do you ever listen to the first episode? Yeah, do you yeah?
Speaker 1:you're like damn like, what are your thoughts on that? I just see it and I'm just like, wow, like literally morning, now that you brought this up, like literally this morning, I was like in shock of how far I've came. And listening to the equipment, all the way to the way that I talk, from the first episode, like I literally edited so much, I cut out so much and I did this and I did that, and I just remember, like the the thing is is um, and I'll never, I'll never forget it. Um, it's hard to say and it's hard to like. You know, deal with a lot of the issues between me and him, but I'll never forget how much fun I had yeah and again, like I said, like I will love and cherish those memories Because they were great memories.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he was with me when we started it, mm-hmm, and I don't know. At the end of it, at the end of the tunnel, like you have to find yourself and you have to reevaluate yourself. Yeah, and to this day, like hey, no hate, I ain't got no room to hate on anybody. Like he can say all he wants, he can talk so much shit about me, all he wants, but I ain't got no hate over here. I still got love for him. I still wish him the best, him and his girl too. I still wish them the best. Like I have no hatred towards any of them. I really got love for both of them and I hope that they, that they figure their lives out that's good man to hate is just like to hate.
Speaker 1:To hate is ugly, man, I got so ugly. Too much too. It takes too much energy to hate somebody. It takes a lot of energy. Yeah, and I just I, I forgave. I forgave both of them a long ass time ago. I forgave them way fucking months back, almost a year back. Yeah, and I'm not and I can, I can positively say that I'm. I have no hatred towards anybody. I genuinely live my life and they live theirs, and that's it. And yeah, it's heartbreaking to hear that they continuously say X, y and Z about me, but it is what it is. Okay, I'm comfortable being the villain to everybody's story, but the truth is out there. As long as my people know, that's all that matters. I can give two shits what the fuck they want to say. Okay, and I'm proud, and I'm proud to say that so is. As long as it pains me to say, and and re-listen to all the old, old episodes, I'm proud of how far I came. Yeah.
Speaker 1:And I enjoy each and every single one of those memories and I cherish it Mm-hmm. And I hope that speaks a lot of my character.
Speaker 3:Oh it does, bro. You know you're here now. We're recording a podcast. What is there more to it, bro? Yeah. Bro, you're living the dream man.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm still doing this. Yeah, I never gave up no, no, no, no.
Speaker 3:Now what? What do you want? What do you want to do like next?
Speaker 1:oh, like with my project was with all this uh vlogging. Vlogging has been a thing that I've been talking about uh pretty frequently. Yeah, um, hopefully pretty soon. The studio I want to have this studio all set. That's why I've been really like not recording videos or anybody, like you know from they've been on the podcast. But once I get the studio set up, all done, then then it's back, you know. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Um, but for right now, like I'm, I'm excited for vlogging, I'm excited to continuously do episodes with people. Um, I'm trying to learn how to social network with other people. Um, it's hard for me, for me, especially just cause I'm super ant-social and I'm super like, reserved and I'm very um, I'm very observant with some people. So some people come at, come off as being genuine and some people don't.
Speaker 3:So that's just where I'm at this is just march, like right now I'm I'm figuring out what stepping stones I need to walk on, what path is the right one to walk on? Yeah and I'm still and I'm still in the midst of it, but I know that there is a part of god, there's the light at the end of the fucking way. You know I'm gonna reach that, bro, and when I do it's gonna feel freeing. Yeah, it's gonna feel like just so good, you know, yeah absolutely and worth it.
Speaker 1:I hope. I hope you come back in a month and we can give everybody an update to make sure that you're good and see what else you got going on.
Speaker 3:You know, Uh-huh, uh-huh, and I plan to use all this time to really work hard, yeah, and to like you know.
Speaker 1:I hope so. I hope we see you again, bro, and, like you, get everything situated and everything goes good yeah, of course, and I'm always praying for you to find yourself. I pray for your success bro, Thank you bro, everything comes out great for you, bro.
Speaker 3:I also want to shout out everyone that has been encouraging me, really pushing me to stay up, to do better. All the ones that have been really close to me have shown me nothing but love, and I am very grateful to have people like that in my life. You've shown me love. All my homies show me love. Family shows me love. It feels good. Yeah. So I'm grateful to have that in my life.
Speaker 1:Yeah and shit, man, I'm ready to fucking you know, yeah I'm grateful to be a part of it, bro, and you know what man I know, I know you're gonna come out from this oh for sure just taking, sure taking taking this whole thing in, bro, taking your time. Everything's gonna go.
Speaker 1:Everything's gonna go your way, bro it will bro I know I will man yeah, well, thank you, uh, for everybody listening and I appreciate, uh, I've been you coming out here and you mean you're having this moment. Yeah, um, and I'm grateful for you being here bro hey, man, I'm I'm grateful to be here as well I'm grateful, bro, thank you, thank you for for come giving me your time, bro. Yeah. I know that a lot of people you know, hey, time is valuable.
Speaker 3:And thank you for allowing me to be here. You're always welcome brother You're always welcome.
Speaker 2:Thank you, man, you know that Thank you yeah, so go ahead, bro.
Speaker 1:If you want to tell anybody any, I know you don't want to have anything upcoming. I know you're down on the social media, but if you want to give any advice to anybody that's listening right now.
Speaker 3:Learn how to love yourself, because then things get easier, and that's where I'm at, and it's only going to get better from here.
Speaker 1:Got you.
Speaker 3:I understand the problems that I need to work on and that will change through time. But if I discipline myself enough, things can change, and I already have seen change, so I'm just waiting for the next change.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And I encourage people to really do things that they love and go out there and have fun. Life gets hard, but just take a deep breath and laugh about it, man, yeah, laugh about it. Yeah, there's no point Go to your family, go talk to them, go to your homies, drink a cold one. Yeah, bro, take a walk fool. Yeah, just do things that you fool. Yeah, just do things that you know, just do things that you love, I guess no, yeah, absolutely, man.
Speaker 1:I'm glad, and you know what, man? I hope that everybody knows that finding who you are and finding your purpose is very important and if you need help or are seeking any help, go ahead and find people that you know, people that you love You're not alone. You can always hit up somebody. I've always said it too. You can always hit up the Broke Boys DMs or my personal DMs. You guys aren't alone in a lot of these situations. Yeah.
Speaker 1:And if you're ever seeking help Like finding a therapist or whatever do it. Ain't nothing wrong with going to therapy. That doesn't show you a sign of weakness. If anything, that shows a sign of Courage and bravery, because it takes a lot Just to go and admit that you have an issue, or admit that you have a problem and that you need help. Well, thank you guys all for listening for today's episode. We love you. I appreciate you guys. You guys can check us on all platforms where we're worldwide, and you can catch us on instagram and tiktok at broke boys, underscore, ff. And thank you again, uh, rockstar turtle, for coming today, man, and really opening up and and being open to all these other people listening yeah, yeah, of course, man, and I hope this, you know, helps people and let them know that you know it's.
Speaker 3:It's gonna be hard, but it's worth it. Yeah, it's worth it at the end yeah, and it's this. This is just the beginning, brother yeah I cannot wait till the end of march. Oh, I cannot wait, bro I can't wait bro.
Speaker 1:I can't wait for the update uh-huh, uh-huh yeah well, thank you guys. You guys have a good one. Much love peace, peace out.
